


In My Head

by Bug_jpeg



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast), The Adventure Zone: Amnesty (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguing, Complete, Conflict Resolution, Danbrey is a background ship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Indrid Cold goes to therapy, Inspired by an Ariana Grande Song, Lack of Communication, M/M, Minor Violence, Night Terrors, Nightmares, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Self-Esteem Issues, Sexual Humor, Songfic, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-09-19
Packaged: 2020-07-28 21:49:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 35,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20071123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bug_jpeg/pseuds/Bug_jpeg
Summary: Relationships are complicated. That much is a given when you pair to members of different species together. Can a human ever truly love a monster?A study of Indrid's relationship with Duck, told through the lens of Ariana Grande songs.i. imagine - Indrid sees visions about a life he can't have. Duck makes those visions a reality.ii. needy - Indrid comes to realize that touch starvation is a real problem for him. Duck is happy to be a solution.iii. NASA - Indrid decides he needs time alone for himself. Duck makes a phone call.iv. fake smile - Indrid decides he's fed up with pretending. Duck makes an enormous mistake.v. make up - Indrid started a fight. Duck finishes it.vi. bloodline - Indrid tries to create more distance to fix his powers. Duck isn't having any of it.vii. 7 rings - Indrid gets more than he bargained for. Duck goes overboard.viii. bad idea - Indrid makes some chamges. Duck decides he needs a vacation.ix. ghostin - Indrid struggles with night terrors. Duck tries to make it better.x. in my head - Indrid shows his true colors. Duck makes an unexpected decision.





	1. i. imagine

**Author's Note:**

> Hello hello hello! Welcome to my fic, I'm so glad you decided to stop by! I promise I won't take up too much of your time here, but this stuff is pretty important :)
> 
> This work diverges from cannon a LOT, starting from about Episode 19, so what happens here is totally separate from the actual canon of Amnesty. I ended up taking a few artistic liberties for the sake of creating a good plot, so bear that in mind while reading. This story came from a place where I wanted to see something told from Indrid's perspective and dive into his character a bit more, so it may not be as happy go lucky as some other fics out there. Not to say there's no happy moments at all, but their relationship here certainly isn't perfect.
> 
> Each chapter is based on a different song from Ariana Grande's album 'thank u, next'. Not all chapters correlate perfectly with the actual meaning of the song it's referencing because sometimes it made more sense for the plot to go in a different direction. (For example, there's a chapter titled '7 rings' and I promise it's not about Indrid buying friendship rings for six of his bitches)
> 
> I have a lovely beta reader who's been helping me edit, so as soon as a chapter is polished, I'll post it here! (Note to self, ALWAYS WRITE AN OUTLINE SO YOU DON'T SCREW YOURSELF OVER!!!) With all of that said, I hope you enjoy!

_ imagine a world like that _

* * *

When he was alone, it was easier to discern what was a vision and what was a dream.

Now, it was harder to separate the fiction of his mind from the uncertainty of future events.   


Indrid sat at the table in his camper, pencil twirling between his fingers absentmindedly as he stared down at his completed sketch. He stopped fidgeting for a few moments, breathless at his own rendering (of what, he still couldn’t tell) before he tore out the page from his sketchbook and tossed it aside. In his haste, he hadn’t even crumpled it up, so the offending image still looked up at him from the floor of his camper. The dark eyes in the drawing reflected off the red glass that protected him, and he felt a strange sensation crawl up his spine.

His posture straightened as he moved his head to peer at his corkboard. Once there had been scattered drawings of horrifying events that Indrid had seen and done nothing to prevent. Now, those had been tossed and replaced with much more specific drawings of The Pine Guard in action, facing off against the newest abomination plaguing the forests of Kepler. Having people in his life that he was close to seemed to narrow his field of view when it came to his visions, and he wasn’t sure if he liked that or not.   


Sure, the friends were nice. Aubrey Little was a bit eccentric, which Indrid could certainly appreciate, and Ned Chicane really did have a heart of gold underneath the rough exterior (even if that gold heart was stolen from somewhere else). Of course, Indrid found himself having a soft spot for park ranger Duck Newton, which he tried his best to repress every day to no avail. He wasn’t entirely sure why.

It started with one phone call that changed the course of history in Kepler forever. Before he met Duck, Indrid had never met another person who saw visions like he did. Sure, Duck didn’t have future vision, but his role as a chosen warrior allowed him to dream about what the future had in store for him. Not only that, but Duck had been the only person who had changed all of Indrid’s visions by choosing to spare a monster rather than kill it. Everything was different because of Duck, and Indrid’s adoration only grew as a result. The strange feelings in his gut didn’t start until Duck had rescued him from the clutches of the abomination, and they burst forth when Duck asked Indrid to stay, even though someone in the town had seen his true form and his instincts were telling him to run away as fast as he could. He was kind, brave, and selfless almost to a fault. What wasn’t admirable about that?

Now, as his drawing of Duck, looking disheveled at the door of his camper, gaped up at him from the floor, Indrid could feel his discomfort coming back to him in waves. Everytime he was around Duck, he tried to tell himself that he didn’t like the feeling of his stomach twisting up in knots or having his face burn hot behind his glasses. He tried not to recall what Duck’s deodorant smelled like when their shoulders had accidentally brushed in the confines of his living space and instead focused on the memory of Duck punching him in the face. Surprising to no one, Indrid recalled that memory with a particular fondness, because he remembered what it felt like to be rescued by Duck. (Unsurprisingly, his brain had supplied him with the possibility of being swept off his feet by his handsome park ranger in shining khaki pants. Indrid mentally kicked himself.)

With his hands raking through his tangled, white mop that was supposed to be hair, Indrid found the inner strength to pull himself away from the table and start moving toward his bed. His bare feet padded softly on the floor of his camper, but he only made it a few steps before he found himself being hit with a familiar vision.

Duck, looking disheveled at the door of his camper, in approximately 3 minutes.

Indrid silently cursed at himself as he scooped up the drawing from the floor and tacked it on his cork board along with the others. So it had been a vision, and not a fantasy conjured up by the dark part of his brain that had a stupid crush on Duck. He really needed to figure out a way to tell the difference. If only his brain could develop its own filing system to separate future visions with daydreams.

Those thoughts occupied his mind until he heard a few soft knocks on his trailer door. He tried to mentally compose himself before he opened it.

Duck was still dressed for work, in a full suit of beige, name tag and Monongahela Forest patch on clear display. His hat looked a little worse for wear, tipped to the side of his head as a mop of brown hair clung to his face, plastered there by beads of sweat. He was breathing hard, one hand leaning on the door frame to stabilize himself, the other clutching a coiled-up Beacon. “Indrid, thank god…” He took a deep breath. “This may be a, uh, strange request, but-”   


In one future, Duck asks for baking soda and vinegar. In another, equally likely, he asks Indrid out for coffee. Indrid allows himself to hope, despite not fully understanding  _ why  _ he would hope for something so trivial like a date with Duck, and doesn't interrupt for fear of ruining his chances.   


“-you wouldn’t happen to have baking soda, would you? Or maybe vinegar? Or both? Actually, both would be the best case scenario.”   


Indrid tried not to let the disappointment show on his face. “Unfortunately, Duck, I’ve never had the need for either of those, but,” he managed to smile in spite of himself, “I’m sure it wouldn’t hurt to check.” He stepped aside and motioned for Duck to come inside, who happily obliged. He took a seat at the table while Indrid shuffled over to the cabinets, sweatpants dragging on the floor with every step.

As he began to sift through what little he did have, Indrid found moments in between his searches to steal glances at Duck, who had his cheek resting on his hand while he sat at the table. His hair was on full display now that he set his hat and sword on the table next to his sketchbook, and Indrid was reminded that he wanted to sketch Duck from real life rather than his visions at some point in the future. Of course, he couldn’t find the time to ask, and the request on its own was a bit strange. Still, the need to sketch Duck in his uniform continued to pull on Indrid’s heartstrings.

In the very last cabinet, Indrid found a box of baking soda that had long since expired. Well, at least he tried. He pulled it out and handed to Duck for inspection, who gratefully accepted it without bothering to check the label. Clearly, that wasn’t what he really came for. “Thanks, man. I appreciate it.”

“Happy to help.” Indrid walked back to the table and sat across from Duck, pushing a few empty cups to the side. “What exactly did you need it for?”

“Well, Aubrey’s been on a bit of a, uh, potion making binge, so she sent me to get some stuff for her.” Duck rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand. “Mama had the truck, and Ned already turned in for the night, so I just ran over.”

Indrid raised his eyebrows, coming to an interesting revelation. “The store was much closer to the lodge, Duck. Why did you come all the way out here?”

Duck’s eyes widened, and Indrid could feel the lie coming from a mile away, even without the help of his visions. “Well, it’s, uh, a funny story actually. You see, Leo一no, fuck. Aubrey wanted me to come h-here because she, uh一ah, shit一said your stuff might be…I dunno. More magical? I guess?”

Indrid chuckled softly and smiled at Duck’s feeble attempt at a convincing lie. “How interesting. You know you really are a terrible liar.” He leaned back in the seat as Duck let out an audible groan. The longer Duck stayed and the more they talked, the more visions Indrid had of Duck asking about that coffee date. He really wanted to push his luck it seemed, and so he peered at Duck through his glasses after pushing them up on his nose and asked, “What did you really need from me?”

Duck looked completely taken by surprise, and seemed a bit caught off guard by the sudden questioning. He rubbed his face with his hands, and the shadows cast by the dim lights made him look much older, more worn out than he actually was. Still, Indrid couldn’t help but stare at the dark circles underneath his eyes and the gentle creases in his forehead. It took every ounce of strength within him not to reach out and touch the worry lines with his hands. He wasn’t even sure what he would do once he got Duck to ask about that coffee date. For once, he was indulging in a fantasy and didn’t think that far ahead. Surprising behavior, for a man who can see every possible future so vividly.

“The truth is,” Duck’s voice barely wavered when he broke the brief silence. “I came here because I, uh, I wanted to see you.” His face was beginning to show the early stages of embarrassment. “It worries me that you’re out here by yourself, and I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Especially after our last encounter.”

Oh. Not quite what he had been expecting, but Indrid was pleasantly “surprised” by the outcome (he had seen this future, it just hadn’t been as probable as some of the others). He found himself reaching for Duck’s hand, but instead redirected it to an old cup sitting on the table. If Duck noticed the change, he didn’t comment on it, instead awkwardly clearing his throat and standing up from the table as Indrid pretended to inspect the cup’s contents. Dried up eggnog. Indrid didn’t know what else he could have expected.

Duck collected his belongings and began making his way towards the door again, when Indrid spoke. “Duck.” He turned around to look at Indrid, who was wearing a pleasant smile on his face. “It was good to see you. I always appreciate your company.” Duck’s shoulders visibly relaxed and he smiled back at Indrid before showing himself out of the camper.

As soon as the door closed, Indrid moved to his corkboard to crumple up the drawings from discarded future timelines. It seemed his brain was messing with him yet again. As if Duck would ever ask Indrid on a date. Why would he ever entertain that thought? Still, the persistent idea lingered in his brain as he filled his wastebasket with more paper. What would Indrid even do if Duck were to ask? The idea of dating was such a foreign concept to him, he wasn’t sure if he could actually handle that level of commitment to physical intimacy. The Winnebago was parked in the middle of the forest for a reason. As much as Indrid loved humans, he had trouble interacting with other people.

Despite those reservations, Indrid still wanted Duck, no matter what that entailed. Even if it was just daily visits to his trailer for a few minutes, that would be far better than only ever seeing him for business reasons.

For the first time, Indrid allowed himself to imagine a world where he and Duck could be together.

~*~

The weeks dragged on, and Duck did come to visit more frequently than normal, but Indrid found himself growing more frustrated than anything else. He enjoyed Duck’s visits immensely, but every single moment they spent together was constantly interrupted by visions. Visions of Duck and Indrid doing  _ disgustingly domestic activities _ with each other, like snuggling up on Duck’s couch for a movie marathon, or making a late breakfast after sleeping in until noon. Indrid seemed unable to really spend time with his friend without constantly wondering if his lips were soft or not.

It was maddening, imagining a world that could never exist.

Still, that didn’t stop the visions of destruction that seemed to follow the Pine Guard wherever they went. Another abomination came and went, and the distraction, although dangerous, was a welcome change from the fluffy business that Indrid told himself he had no interest in. That, of course, didn’t stop him from worrying needlessly about Duck’s well being. If anything, it heightened his worry so much that he spent more time pacing in his camper than he did sketching out less probable futures.

One late night, before deciding he was tired of sketching, Indrid found himself hit with a vision that he didn’t quite have time to decipher before seeing something much more relevant.

Duck was coming over, and he had something on his mind. Indrid couldn’t hear a conversation, but he could  _ see  _ it written all over Duck’s face and the radiating insecurity through his posture. Whatever uncomfortable conversation was coming in six minutes, Indrid found himself both looking forward to and dreading it. Emotional confrontation was not his strong suit, but he had to at least try to be there for Duck, despite his discomfort.

As Indrid began cleaning up his trailer, discarding old dishes by simply throwing them in the sink, he started getting flashes of more possible futures.  _ Five minutes. _ Duck is sitting on his bed.  _ Four minutes.  _ Duck is holding Indrid’s hand.  _ Three minutes.  _ Duck is smiling with such softness that Indrid might just melt on the spot.  _ Two minutes.  _ Duck looks crushed, and Indrid wants to make his creases go away.  _ One minute.  _ Duck is holding Indrid in his arms, crushing him with a hug that he never wants to let go of.

_ He’s here. _

Before Duck can get his hand on the door, Indrid swings it open, lips parted with a soft sigh of relief when he sees Duck dressed in his uniform. Of course. This was just official business, something Indrid could handle with ease. “Duck, good to see you. What can I help you with?”

“Listen, Indrid, I need to一”

“一talk to you about something.” Indrid spoke, mouth movements mirroring Ducks almost exactly. He had seen this future moments ago. He saw all the possible ways this conversation could go and was in no way prepared for any of them.

The temptation to turn him away was looking more attractive by the second.

“Wait, you knew I was coming?” Duck suddenly looked extremely embarrassed. “Shit, you probably already know what I’m going to say then.”

Indrid has an out. He has the perfect opportunity to escape an inevitable future. Instead, he opens up the door and tells Duck, “You should probably come inside.” So, he does. Duck comes in and stands inside of Indrid’s trailer, face flushed as Indrid looks down at him. He tries not to look like he expects anything out of the terrified man in front of him. “I will tell you, Duck, I don’t know what you’re going to say, but I have seen how this conversation plays out between us. Some situations are more favorable than others, that much is a given, but the probability of you fucking this up is slim to none. Whatever you need to say, rest assured you can feel…comfortable saying it.”

Duck didn’t say anything for a long time, instead opting to look down at his shuffling feet. His normal stature was more slouched than usual, and Indrid folded his arms across his chest. He knew he had taken a far too analytical approach with this conversation, and his mind began to race as he searched for better words to comfort Duck. For a few minutes they stood in front of each other in uncomfortable silence, Indrid wanting to reach out and touch Duck, but resisting the urge. Instead, he just paid attention to the lines in Duck’s uniform and traced them with his eyes rather than his hands.

Time ticked by until Duck rolled his shoulders back and seemed to grow a few inches, eyes finally meeting Indrid’s with a new sense of determination. “I like you, Indrid.”

_ Oh no. _ “You…” Indrid tried not to start shaking in fear. “You like me?” He should have seen this coming. The gentle touches in his visions were not dreams after all, but actual possible futures that he was getting a glimpse into. And if these futures existed, that had to mean that Duck must have felt something for him. Why had he ignored them so profusely? He could have seen this more clearly had he just paid more attention to his own feelings for the park ranger. “I…Duck I don’t know what to say.”

Which was true. Indrid had been so intent on blocking out those futures with Duck that he failed to pay attention to the specifics. He wasn’t sure what to say so that he didn’t majorly screw this up and ruin his chances. But… was that really what he wanted? Did he really want to enter a relationship that could potentially change the course of his entire life so suddenly? He could never face Duck again if their relationship were to end poorly. Maintaining a working relationship was more important than fulfilling his need for interpersonal connection, which, admittedly, was extremely finite.

Sensing his apprehension, Duck looked away from Indrid. “I, uh, I understand if you…don’t see me that way, because honestly I’m not really the best一”

“Don’t finish that thought, Duck Newton.” Indrid huffed. “My reaction has nothing to do with evaluating your worth, so please don’t assume so. You need to understand that I…” He paused, trying to choose his next words carefully. “I have not experienced any sort of intimacy for a very long time. The thought of being that close to someone, to be quite frank with you, scares me more than you could possibly ever know.”

“Is it…uncertainty? No, that’s not really a thing for you, is it?”

Indrid laughed softly. “No, it’s more like…apprehension. I’m not worried about the future as much as I am worried about ruining my relationship with…” He felt his eyes widen with realization. “I don’t want to hurt you.” The words came out as a whisper, and as soon as they left his lips, he saw Duck move in to wrap his arms around Indrid’s lanky form.   


The embrace didn’t surprise him, but rather the immense warmth that he felt when Duck was holding him so tightly. He couldn’t remember anything enveloping him so wholly, almost as if he had forgotten what it felt like to be wanted by another person. Suddenly, his mind was flooded with visions of a future with Duck, and he didn’t stop himself from drowning in them. Something about the ideas they evoked in him created a pleasant feeling in his chest, which settled in like a weight at the bottom of the ocean. As he buried his face in Duck’s neck and gripped the back of his shirt, Indrid felt like he was whole again. He was flying and falling all at once, stomach dropping with every breath he took. He wondered if this is what real human connection was supposed to feel like.

“We’ll go slow, if you want.” Duck murmured into Indrid’s shoulder. “But I want to try, at least. I really want to be in a relationship with you and do all that dumb, couple shit that people do.”

“What if I hurt you?”   


“You would never do it on purpose.”

“You don’t know that.”  _ What if you don’t know me as well as you think you do? _

“I do.” Duck spoke firmly, his grip around Indrid’s waist tightening. “All you’ve ever done since we met is protect the Pine Guard. I don’t think you have a malicious bone in your body.”

Indrid couldn’t stop the laugh that bubbled out of his chest and pulled away just enough to look at Duck, who was smiling so wide, Indrid thought his cheeks must have been sore. Dim light came down from the ceiling of the trailer and seemed to illuminate the man in front of him. Despite his initial reservations, it seemed like he would make Duck happy, and in this moment, that was enough for him. They were going to take their time and make sure they did this properly, and if that was the case, then Indrid had nothing to worry about.

This isn't love. Not yet, but someday it could be. He just had to be patient.


	2. ii. needy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Indrid comes to realize touch starvation is a real problem for him. Duck is happy to be a solution.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the purposes of this fic, Indrid has to take his glasses completely off his face in order for a transformation to take place. As long as the glasses are on his face or on top of his head, he's still gucci :)

_ tell me how good it feels to be needed _

* * *

Indrid did say he wanted to take it slow, but he really didn’t think it would be  _ this  _ slow.

In his defense, he didn’t realize how much he enjoyed spending time with Duck so intimately until they had decided to start seeing each other in more…romantic settings. Movie nights at Duck’s apartment had turned into going out to dinner at an actual restaurant somewhere just outside of town, or simply stopping by every few days had been replaced with Duck bringing Indrid coffee on his way to work almost every morning. Even though they were seeing each other more often, Indrid still seemed to crave those moments of intimacy they shared while alone together.

That scared him. More than anything else. The  _ intimacy _ of the whole situation was still a new and frightening concept to him. Sure, there had been others long ago, but not like this. Never like this. He was so out of practice, it was almost like starting from scratch, but Indrid was determined to make this work. Duck was being so kind to him, so patient in waiting for Indrid to make the first move, but quite frankly he had no idea where to even begin. So, he decided to make the trek to the general store to buy more eggnog and ask for some advice.

The weather outside was starting to warm up a bit, so Indrid only put on a few layers before leaving his trailer. He still shivered as he walked, unable to regulate his own body temperature enough to keep warm. During the walk, he decided to pay more attention to his visions and saw a very pleasant conversation with Leo in his near future.

Leo Tarkesian was hardly a wealth of information when it came to this subject, but Indrid didn’t quite feel comfortable asking anyone else. He wasn’t really close with anyone, aside from the Pine Guard, but Leo and him had a strange sort of friendship developed from Indrid’s choice grocery habits. It was interesting, yes, but a friendship nonetheless, and Indrid was beginning to realize he needed to hold onto those more.

Cold air hit him in the face unpleasantly from the Kepler General Store industrial air conditioner before Indrid stepped through the threshold and basked in the heat radiating throughout the building. He noticed a few other people shopping in the aisles while Leo sat behind the counter, casually thumbing through the newspaper. When Indrid approached, he put his paper down and smiled warmly at him. “Good to see you, Indrid. Here for your monthly stash of eggnog?” He gestured over his shoulder with his thumb. “I’ve got it ready for you in the back fridge.”

“Yes and no.” He returned Leo’s smile with one of his own. “I need to ask for some advice.”

Leo leaned back in his chair and huffed. “I’m not sure how much help I can be. Probably depends on what you need?”

Indrid took a deep breath. “I have…I have acquired a romantic partner,” Leo’s eyebrows shot up in surprise as Indrid continued, “and I realized that I have no idea what I’m doing?”

“Oh…kay…” Leo stood up to his full height, not entirely reaching Indrid’s full stature. “Well, you kind of just have to roll with it sometimes.” He scratched his chin thoughtfully and sighed. “I suppose I could give you some ideas, but like I said before this isn’t really my area of expertise.”

“Well…” Indrid simply shrugged. “We promised to take things at a slow pace, but I’m finding that to be excruciatingly painful, and the need for physical connection is starting to outweigh everything else in my mind. The issue is I’m not quite ready to commit to a more intensive relationship than what I’ve been previously working with.”

“Wait. Hold on. Are you saying you don’t feel entirely comfortable with physical contact?”

“Not quite. I’m simply not sure what I’d be entirely comfortable with initiating, so I haven’t been making any effort to try. I want to advance things, but I…”  _ I’m not human, and I don’t understand these things that seem trivial to you.  _ That was what Indrid wanted to say, but he couldn’t expose himself to Leo over something so trivial. “I find it difficult when I’m lacking experience in this particular department, but something about the way he makes me feel…leaves me wanting to expand my knowledge.”

“I guess that sort of makes sense, but,” Leo shook his head with a sigh, “man, using smart language like that makes it hard for me to understand you.”

Indrid pursed his lips in thought. Leo’s comment brought up an excellent point. Something wasn’t quite adding up. His hands rested on his forearms and he remembered how it felt to be wrapped in the warm embrace of Duck. Someone in his life cared about him enough to visit him, to attend to his needs, to actually spend time with him, and it was intoxicating. He remembers hearing Duck jokingly call Aubrey needy after he had to pry her away from Dani. Indrid realized his behavior, although subdued, was extremely similar to Aubrey.

_ I need him. _ Indrid thought, with only a small hint of surprise.  _ I’m not sure how else to explain it. _

Of course, that had to be the reason. Exposure to something intoxicating, whether that be drugs or caffeine, would make anyone desperate for it. Indrid found it easier to compare his infatuation with Duck to his strange need for eggnog. He had to have it, and would bend over backwards to make sure he could get it. The problem now was overcoming the mental block he created for himself. Any time Indrid wanted to act on his ideas, his fear of hurting Duck always kept him in check. There was always the possibility he would do something wrong, and he wasn’t sure if he would ever get over that.

Leo shook his head again, this time chuckling under his breath. “That’s what happens when you didn’t pay attention in school, I guess.” He then left to go retrieve the stock of eggnog from the back while Indrid continued to ponder his current predicament. When Leo returned, eggnog piled in his arms, he began to scan it as he spoke. “If you still want my advice, all I can say is go for it. You can ease into the physical stuff, get used what you know first, then try something new.” Indrid pulled up some wrinkled cash from his pocket and handed it to Leo, who began to count it while continuing to speak. “The more you do little things like hand holding and hugging, the less terrifying something like kissing will be. Does that make any sense?” He ripped the receipt from the printer and tossed it in the bag with the egg nog.

“Yes. Thank you, Leo. You’ve been a great help.” Indrid smiled and scooped up the paper bag in his arms. “Thank you for the nog, as always.”

“Happy to help, Indrid.” Leo waved him off. “Tell Duck I said hi, by the way.” Indrid tried not to jump in his skin. “Just if you cross paths at all. I haven’t seen him around the apartments lately, but he said he’s been busy with the forest service. He works too hard and hardly takes time for himself.”

Indrid breathed a sigh of relief. “Indeed, he’s quite vigilant. Until next month, Leo.” He managed a small wave and a grateful smile before making the cold trek back to his trailer.

~*~

_ “Hello?” _

“Hello, Duck.” Indrid tried to sketch while holding the phone in place between his shoulder and his ear. It wasn’t quite working out as he had hoped and seen in some futures. “I know you’re leaving to come pick me up for dinner in about 3 minutes, but I have a suggestion.”

_ “Uh, sure?” _ He could hear Duck scrambling around on the other line.  _ “Did you have something in mind?” _

“Actually, I did.” Indrid put his pencil down and instead began to fiddle with the chord of the phone. “Would you be alright with just watching some movies at your place? I didn’t find time to wash anything suitable for going out in public tonight.”   


Duck chuckled softly over the phone, and Indrid felt his heart jump.  _ “Yeah, no, we can totally stay in. I’ll…I’ll order some takeout then, and it should be ready by the time I get you.” _

“Perfect. I’ll see you shortly, then.”

_ “Yeah. I’ll see you then.” _

Indrid calmly hung up the phone and picked up his pencil again, sketching out the futures he saw laid out for him. He tried to expose himself to as many as he could, analyzing the possible ways this night could go and thereby exposing himself to any curveballs Duck could possibly throw his way. After seeing so many futures where everything went according to plan, there was nothing that could possibly scare Indrid. He would be ready for anything, and perhaps even initiate some things on his own if he was feeling particularly bold.

A few moments later, he had a vision of Duck pulling up in one of Ned’s cars approximately 4 minutes into the near future, so he managed to pick a sweater from the pile on his bed and threw it on before he heard Duck’s signature knock.   


It wasn’t until Indrid opened the door that he realized how irreversibly fucked he was.

Duck wasn’t wearing his uniform, which seemed to be the only thing Indrid ever saw on him these days. Instead, he was wearing a plain t-shirt and jeans with a nice blazer, which was his normal dinner attire. Suddenly, Indrid felt severely underdressed and embarrassed that he cancelled their dinner plans so abruptly, but he honestly had forgotten about them until he saw a vision of Duck leaving his apartment. Not only that, but Duck looked like he had actually put in some effort to make himself look nice. His hair was freshly washed and Indrid could smell his cologne from a safe distance away. He looked…ruggedly handsome, for lack of a better term.   


Noticing how he was being gaped at, Duck rubbed the back of his neck and looked away from Indrid’s gaze. “Sorry, I wanted to be on time picking you up, so I didn’t really have the opportunity to, uh, change out of my dinner outfit.”

“I’m…sorry that I even called to cancel.” Indrid laughed softly, wrapping his sweater around his lanky form to protect him from the cool breeze outside. “You…look really nice, Duck.”

“Aw, shit, well, thank you.” Duck’s face flushed. “You! You, you also look great.”

“Don’t flatter me so much, Duck Newton.” He tried not to roll his eyes, despite their constant protection. “Shall we head off then?”

Duck’s hands removed themselves from his pockets and he extended a hand out to Indrid, who looked at him with a confused expression. “Allow me.” He said, and Indrid realized he was supposed to hold Duck’s hand. Something bizarre began to take root in his brain and it made his skin crawl with an electricity he wasn’t used to. In a way, it was unusually pleasant, allowing Duck to interlace their fingers together as he led Indrid out to the car.

They only broke hands for a moment, but as soon as Indrid closed the car door behind him, he found himself impulsively reaching for Duck’s right hand before he could even start the car. Embarrassed by his own behavior, Indrid tried to pull away, but Duck was quick to snatch his hand back. “This may be, uh, a bit strange, but I did practice driving with one hand. Just in case, you know, you wanted to hold hands, or something. Shit, that sounds pathetic when I say it out loud.”

Indrid smiled. “Not pathetic,” he said, “just really sweet.”

He didn’t let go of Duck’s hand for the rest of the drive.

~*~

While Duck busied himself gathering up several blankets to pile on the couch while Indrid tried his best to make himself comfortable. He was flipping through DVDs laid out on the table, when he was suddenly flooded with visions of him and Duck snuggled up together. For once, he didn’t panic, but instead welcomed the visions gratefully. It wasn’t until Duck came back, large duvet in his arms, that Indrid saw something else that scared him shitless.

Duck was going to try and kiss him in 10 minutes. On the  _ mouth. _ Indrid started to panic as the inconvenient timing didn’t allow him ample time for exposure. The hand holding had been okay. The idea of cuddling was fine (it was just like a really long hug, right? Indrid could handle that much.) but now he was traveling through uncharted territory again, and his apprehension from earlier had come back.

He took a few deep breaths. It was fine. He was going to be fine. Just don’t count down the minutes until it happens.  _ Let it happen, Indrid. Don’t try to change the future. You’re going to be fine. It won’t hurt him if  _ he’s  _ the one who initiates it. _

“Which movie seems the most probable in our future?” Duck took a seat on the far end of the couch, opposite of Indrid to give him some space, and grinned.  _ Nine minutes.   
_

Indrid tried not to let his hands shake while he pointed to the DVD closest to him. “I assume that means we won’t be picking that one tonight?” He was surprised at how stable his voice sounded, even managing a slight chuckle at the end. Of course Duck would chose the least likely option, but that meant the future was becoming more imposing by the second.

“You betcha.” Duck picked up a different DVD from the coffee table and moved to put it in the player. Indrid sat with his hands in his lap, fingernails digging into his sweaty palms. What the hell was wrong with him? Why was he acting so…skittish? No,  _ inhuman _ was more like it.  _ Eight minutes. _

As soon as Duck was back to the couch, Indrid tried to restrain himself from sliding up next to him. It wasn’t until the movie began to play that Duck shifted his position to lay on the arm of the couch, lifting a blanket in a silent invitation for Indrid. With only a small amount of worry, Indrid moved to sit right next to Duck and put his head on Duck’s shoulder. He felt the blanket fall over his slender frame as Duck wrapped his arm around Indrid’s waist, pulling him closer to the heat radiating from Duck’s skin. Indrid relaxed into the touch so much, he almost forgot what was coming. Almost.  _ Seven minutes. _

The two of them sat in silence, both pretending to watch the movie, yet their minds were occupied by very different things. Indrid anxiously watched the clock on the wall behind the TV tick down the minutes, which felt like hours, and soon his vision could come to pass at any moment. Suddenly, the blanket was becoming more suffocating than comforting.   


As soon as Duck’s body began to shift, Indrid managed to pry himself away and sit up. “Indrid? Are you―”

“Bathroom.” Indrid stood up. “Sorry, I’ll only be a second.” Before Duck could protest, Indrid practically scurried off and closed the door behind him, shoulders hunching over with a sigh of relief. He stared at himself in the mirror while he walked towards the sink, red glass glaring at him menacingly from his reflection. He pushed his glasses up to rest on his forehead, allowing himself to look directly in his own eyes. For the first time in years, he allowed himself to be vulnerable in the comfort of solitude.  


There had to be something wrong with him. Nothing else had ever made him feel so…strange, almost like the chemicals in its brain were malfunctioning. Indrid couldn’t fathom what was happening to him, and no amount of frustratedly running his fingers through his hair or fiddling with his necklace would change that. As he stared into his auburn eyes, Indrid couldn’t help but wonder what about it was so terrifying to him.   


It wasn’t Duck, because Duck always made him feel warm and safe, but at the same time, it was. No matter what he did, he always felt like he would hurt Duck, even though his true strength was masked by the enchantment on his glasses. Nothing had affected him this much in his long and gruelling existence, and it was taking some time to adjust. He just wished he could adjust  _ faster _ and skip to the part where everything would be okay. Part of him didn’t think a day like that would ever come, but allowing himself to hope wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.

A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts. Had Indrid really been so wrapped up that he didn’t pay attention to what was coming? That was…odd, even for him. “Indrid? You’ve been in there for a while. Is, uh, is everything…okay?”

“I―” Indrid cut himself off, pressing his lips together to keep himself from saying anything ridiculous. What the hell was he supposed to say?  _ Sorry, Duck, I had a vision of you kissing me, and it gave me such bad anxiety that I had to run away and hide in the bathroom. Yeah, real smooth Indrid. _ “I just had a particularly stressful vision, that’s all. Nothing for you to worry about.” He turned on the tap and quickly splashed his face with some cold water, almost as if he was trying to prove he was okay to himself rather than Duck.

He heard the knob turning, and he returned his glasses to their proper position on his face before Duck could open the door completely. From the reflection in the mirror, Indrid could tell Duck was concerned by the tell-tale way his eyebrows creased together. Duck looked like he was searching Indrid’s face for something, but he couldn’t quite find what he was looking for. “Do you…wanna talk about it?”

Indrid turned around to face him, and smiled. “I’m worried it might deter you from possible actions you were considering for the near future.”   


Duck’s eyes widened. “And, uh, may I ask what those…actions were?”   


“Absolutely not.”

“Alright…” Duck seemed confused, but he silently opened his arms in an invitation for an embrace. Indrid gladly accepted it, silently moving into the embrace and found himself relaxing into the touch. This was alright. This was  _ safe. _ Duck would never do anything to hurt him if he could help it, and perhaps that was enough of a reminder for Indrid to feel more comfortable than he did before. He allowed his forehead to fall gently onto Duck’s shoulder and sighed as he felt a strong pair of arms wrap around his waist.

“I’m scared, Duck.” Indrid whispered, like he was speaking only to himself. “I haven’t been around people much, you know that. It’s…difficult for me to get over my fear of touch when, at the same time, I crave it so wholly.” His laugh was breathy and surprisingly warm. “It’s infuriating that I can’t just fix it and move on with our…relationship.”

“Shit, Indrid, that’s not just a quick fix.” Duck murmured into Indrid’s neck. “It’s okay to be scared. Hell, I’m scared too. We just have to work through it together.”

“You know…I asked Leo for some advice, and he told me that exposure was the best solution. That the more I did something, the more accustomed to it I would feel.”

“Did he now?”

“Mhm.” Indrid saw many different visions of how this conversation was going to play out, and he was both giddy and terrified thinking about all of them at once.   


“How okay with that are you, though?” Duck mused, still with a hint of concern in his tone. “I don’t want you trying to force yourself into anything you aren’t ready for.”

“Well…” Indrid tried to find the best words in this particular situation. “I don’t think I’ll ever be fully ready for anything, since this is still very new to me, but…I trust you wholeheartedly and, at least right now, I give you permission to try new things at your own pace. I think it would be better for you to take the lead since your experience outweighs mine, and I wouldn’t even know where to begin without some guidance.”

“You gotta promise me something first.” Duck adapted a more serious tone, something Indrid wasn’t quite used to hearing in private. It was still gentle and relaxing, easing some of Indrid’s nerves that much more. “Promise me you’ll tell me as soon as you don’t want something or you don’t like it.”

Indrid couldn’t help but laugh, even though Duck was being completely serious. “Yes, Duck, of course I will.” As soon as those words left his lips, Indrid pulled Duck closer to him, hands gripping the back of his shirt like he was holding onto a cliff for dear life. With some noticeable trepidation, he felt Duck press his lips against the side of his neck, barely with enough force to be considered a kiss. Still, that didn’t stop the shiver that ran down Indrid’s back, and his grip tightened in the soft fabric.   


“Are you doing okay?” Duck whispered, hot breath on Indrid’s throat as he spoke. He must have noticed Indrid’s physical reaction and been concerned.

“Y-yes,” Indrid spoke in a shaky sigh. “My apologies. I hadn’t anticipated my reactions to be this…intense. Please continue.”   


Duck’s lips trailed up the side of Indrid’s neck, until he was able to press a gentle kiss to his cheek. He was being so gentle, so kind, so sincere, and Indrid was having a hard time keeping his wits about him enough to be able to see what was coming next. With every touch, he was falling further and further into a warm pool, drowning in the best way possible. The sensation was surrounding him on every side, enveloping him in a feeling Indrid never wanted to escape from. This was safe, more secure than anything he had ever experienced before, and the chemicals rushing through his brain almost sent him into a frenzy.   


After peppering a few more kisses across Indrid’s face, noticeably avoiding Indrid’s lips, Duck began to pull away, but Indrid forcefully pulled him back into an embrace, burying his face into Duck’s neck with a frustrated sigh. Duck laughed and his hands found their way into the hairs curling around the base of Indrid’s neck. “For someone who was so apprehensive before, you’re pretty eager now.”

“I believe the proper term is  _ needy _ .” Indrid mumbled. “Because I need you. It makes sense.”

Duck made a choked sound. “I…you…uh, you need me?”

Indrid lifted his head and pressed his forehead against Duck’s. “Very much. You make me feel…safe and…chemically imbalanced.” He saw Duck’s eyebrows raise in concern. “In a good way.”

“Right.” Duck’s eyes flitted to Indrid’s lips, and Indrid saw the future that was coming a mile away, even without the assistance of his powers (which, strangely, weren’t helping him much in this particular moment). He raised his pointer finger to intercept the contact and Duck looked a bit miffed.

“As appealing as that sounds,” Indrid managed to say through giggles (geez, he was  _ giggling _ now? Physical contact really did screw with his brain too much), “I would hate for our first kiss to be in your bathroom.”

As if his senses were slowly returning, Duck looked around and, realizing where they were, hid his face in his hands. It would have been concerning, except his shoulders were shuddering with laughter bubbling up from his chest and penetrating the barrier he attempted to make with ease. Indrid found himself caught up in Duck’s embarrassment, and laughter escaped him as well. They would have looked like madmen to anyone else, but it was a special moment that Indrid knew was only ever meant to be understood by them.

“We should probably, uh, go finish that movie then, huh?” Duck could barely get a sentence out without laughing through the whole thing. Quite frankly, Indrid found his speech difficulty quite endearing, and he grabbed a hold of Duck’s hand.   


After gently intertwining their fingers together, Indrid contained his laughter enough to smile earnestly at Duck. “Let’s do that.”

For the first time, Indrid understood what it meant to be needy, but he also realized how good it felt to be needed. He didn’t want to lose this. Not now. Not ever. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, kudos and comments are appreciated, and I will always reply to your comments if you leave any <3


	3. iii. NASA

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Indrid decides he needs time alone for himself. Duck makes a phone call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The amount of support this fic has gotten in such a short time frame is so overwhelming! Thank you all so much! It makes me so happy to know people are enjoying it
> 
> Brief content warning just in case: this chapter contains VERY brief mentions of homophobia and canon typical violence. It's not detailed or extremely intense, but I still wanted to be cautious

_ i’d rather be alone tonight / you can say ‘i love you’ through the phone tonight _

* * *

Being with Duck was incredible, but Indrid was beginning to realize something was wrong.

Once Indrid had decided to allow the barrier preventing physical intimacy down, it was like Duck’s affections didn’t have an off switch when they were alone together. For the first few weeks, Indrid was practically floating from all the attention, but as the days passed by, he began to lose that rush he was feeling before. The only reason he could possibly think of was overexposure. Perhaps the large amount of physical touch was weighing on him in ways he didn’t realize, and maybe he needed a break. Of course, there were other things on his mind that seemed to cripple him, but he pushed those aside for a later date.

Almost as if he had wished it into existence, another abomination found its way through the gate. Right on schedule. The time away allowed Indrid to regain some of his wits, and he began to notice a few important things.

Firstly, Duck could be extremely standoffish when he was stressed out. So was Indrid. It seemed to work out for the both of them to be engulfed in the current threat. The entire week was spent barely exchanging glances while passing in the hallway of Amnesty Lodge or stealing brief hugs when no one else was around.

That was the second thing. Duck never wanted to touch Indrid if someone else could see them. It was completely understandable. So far, their relationship had only been their own, and disclosing it to other people hadn’t been a topic of discussion between them. Indrid got the hint when he had tried to hold Duck’s hand under the table during a meeting in Mama’s office, only to have Duck pull away. He hadn’t tried again after that.

Finally, having the looming threat of an abomination was definitely a mood killer, but it allowed Indrid to think clearly, and his visions became much less focused on one person. Instead, he could allow himself to focus on several different things at once, and he vigorously continued his habit of sketching every possible future he could before they vanished, the requirements for obtaining them typically unfulfilled.  


Once the threat had subsided, Indrid decided that rather than falling right back into Duck’s arms, he needed to take a step back and allow himself to assess his situation with a clear mind. He could foresee that conversation with Duck going really well, but the possibility of upsetting him was still present. He had to do it soon, at the very least, otherwise Duck was certainly going to invite him over, and Indrid wasn’t sure he would be able to say no.

It happened the day after the abomination was dealt with, the Pine Guard drinking tea in the lobby of Amnesty Lodge. Barclay had just sat down when Indrid saw a vision of Duck getting up to leave for the kitchen, so he waited until Duck had been gone for a while before attempting to follow in a not-so-obvious manner.  


Duck was leaning over one of the counters, stirring some sugar into his cup of tea when Indrid came in. He straightened himself out and opened his arms for an embrace, but Indrid shook his head.  _ I didn’t come here to sneak around in front of your friends like you do _ was what he wanted to say, but instead he held his snarky tongue firmly in cheek and smiled. “I need to talk to you about something important.”

“Oh.” Duck lowered his arms dejectedly towards his sides. “Am I in trouble or anything?”

“No, no, not at all. I just wanted to…set some boundaries effective in the coming week.”

“Uh…okay? I’m not really sure what you mean, Indrid.”

Indrid huffed. “This past week hasn’t been…let’s say… _ ideal _ in terms of romantic involvement, which is quite understandable due to the threat of death looming over our heads, but it allowed me to take a step back and reevaluate some things about our relationship.”

“Hold on.” Duck stepped closer to Indrid, lowering his voice a bit to protect from any unwanted listeners. “Are you…breaking up with me?”

“Goodness, no.” Indrid could see the tension from Duck’s shoulders fade out, and he brought his hands to rest on them for comfort. “Not at all, Duck, I just wanted to talk to you about something important.”

“Alright then, go ahead.”

After clearing his throat softly, Indrid peered down at Duck through his glasses. “This past month has been incredible. My mood has shown great improvements after spending so much time with you. However, after taking a step back from that this past week, I realized I haven’t done much outside of that, and I’m worried I’ve been neglecting myself in favor of being with you. After this week, I really should begin sorting out timelines, taking out my recycling with so many old drawings in it―”

“So you need some ‘me time’? That’s all?”

“I…yes, exactly!” He grinned, hands moving to push his glasses up on his nose. “I saw you being so understanding in most timelines, but of course there is always the ever present worry of―”

“Indrid.” Duck took one of Indrid’s hands in his. “It’s okay. Hell, I should probably focus on my actual job for once. I’ve been pushing paperwork to the wayside in favor of Pine Guard business this week, so it’ll be good for both of us.” He smiled warmly up at Indrid, who flushed just a bit behind his scarlet frames. “How about this. If you ever want to talk, my work line and landline are always open. You know what my schedule’s like, and I’m sure you’ll know where I’ll be before you call, so whenever you feel like you need a dose of Duck, you can just give me a ring. Sound good?”

“Sounds perfect.” At the surprise of Duck, Indrid dipped his head to plant a very light kiss on Duck’s lightly stubbled cheek. It seemed that shaving had been neglected too, and Indrid realized that they both really needed time off to take care of themselves. “I’ll see you soon then.”

“Yeah,” Duck said, practically breathless. “See you soon.”

~*~

The next week was spent trying to reorganize the hectic mess left in his trailer in the wake of the abomination. Indrid spent most of his time sorting through old drawings, discarding the ones he no longer had use of, and drawing new ones of possible futures he could see outlined in his visions. For once, not all of his visions were centered around Duck, and it was quite freeing. Not having to worry about why his brain was short circuiting or why he couldn’t do something in his relationship was…really nice. Indrid began to wonder why he even began seeing Duck in the first place if this is what solace felt like.

Sometimes, Duck would still stop by to check up on Indrid or bring him an eggnog latte on the way to work, which was a friendly reminder to Indrid that someone was still looking out for him, even if they were apart for a bit. Duck remained faithful to his word though, only leaving whatever he brought outside the Winnebago. He must have known Indrid would get it, since Indrid was always able to see whenever Duck decided to stop by the trailer, but it wasn’t as suffocating as seeing him every moment of every day. Indrid wasn’t sure what to make of that thought.

Being alone with his thoughts wasn’t always the best idea, however. Despite not seeing Duck, many of the thoughts that kept him up at night had to do with his partner. For some reason, their relationship not being public seemed to bother Indrid more than it should have. He knew enough about human history to know there were valid reasons for wanting to keep a relationship like theirs private. West Virginia was rather conservative, after all, and even though Kepler seemed to be a safe haven of acceptance, they certainly weren’t the majority.

Still, Indrid felt as though that was something they should have at least discussed in some fashion. It was like Duck assumed Indrid would feel the same way, like they shared the same experiences, but that simply wasn’t the case at all. Part of that was the fault of Indrid for never wanting to speak about the time before he came to Earth, but Duck made it so easy to forget because he never asked. It weighed on him to the point where he became increasingly frustrated with their current situation. He wished it were easier to be open and honest about what was bothering him, but he never wanted to be a burden on anyone else, especially not Duck. It was easier to pretend like everything was alright while bottling up his emotions and storing them away for another time. He never liked being too emotional anyways.

On the last day of their week long break, Indrid had a particularly disturbing vision. One that required his utmost attention and focus as he ran to his phone and dialed up Amnesty Lodge as fast as his shaky fingers would allow. He tried to compose himself as the rings droned on.

_ “Hello, thank you for calling―” _

“Aubrey, there’s no time.” Indrid felt bad for interrupting her, but there wasn’t much he could do about it now. “I need you to get to the Cryptonomica for me as fast as you can. There’s going to be a robbery attempt in about 8 minutes.”

_ “Indrid? Dude, I can’t make it there in 8 minutes.” _

“Just try your best. I’m going to call Ned so he can do damage control. If this goes well, you may only be doing clean up.”

_ “Clean up? What are you―” _

Indrid quickly hung up the phone and dialed the number for the Cryptonomica. There was no time. He should have called Ned first.  _ Fuck. _ Leave it to him to screw up something so important. Each ring only added to his anxiety.  


_ “Hello, this is Kirby, how can I―” _

“Put Ned Chicane on the phone, please.”

Some shuffling on the other line. And then,  _ “Ned speaking.” _

“Ned, it’s Indrid. I need you to evacuate the Cryptonomica. I had a vision about a robbery attempt gone bad, and it may put your customers in danger.”

_ “Damn it, Indrid, can’t this wait? I’m in peak business hours!” _

“Just  _ do it,  _ Ned, please.” He hung up the phone with a loud thud and raked his fingers through his hair. Aubrey was going to call Duck for backup, so that was one less call he had to make. Everything was going to be fine. The people would be safe.  


Then he had another vision. He frantically dialed one more number.  


_ “Go for Duck.” _

“Duck Newton, do not do what you are about to do.”

_ “Indrid? What’s wrong? Aubrey just called me and told me to help her at the Cryptonomica.” _

“I…I had a vision. A group of tourists passing through are going to attack the Cryptonomica. In some futures, you make it there before Aubrey, but…but…” His breath came out in shudders and he hoped Duck couldn’t hear them. “Just wait. Wait for Aubrey to get there before you do anything stupid.”

_ “Okay. I trust you.” _ Duck made an audible sigh over the phone.  _ “I’ll talk to you later.” _

“Be safe.” Indrid barely was able to manage that much before Duck hung up the phone. Now all he could do was sit, buried in his own anxiety, and wait. There was nothing he wanted more than the safety of The Pine Guard, even if it meant watching timelines that increased his nausea about the whole situation tenfold.

That was the worst part about the whole ordeal, having to watch several futures unfold in which Indrid failed to act quickly enough, or failed to give enough information about what he saw. It was even harder for him when those particular futures actually came to pass. Indrid had been through this countless times before with more horrifying events, but being exposed to that over and over again never made it easier. All he could do now was sit and wait for the end result.

After 15 excruciatingly long minutes, Indrid saw the incident come to a screeching halt, thanks to Ned’s quick thinking on the fly, Aubrey’s impressive firepower, and Duck’s reckless behavior. The Pine Guard was truly a force to be reckoned with when they managed to work together so well. Those tourists definitely wouldn’t be coming back to Kepler any time soon, that’s for sure. Indrid allowed himself to take a deep, but shaky breath as he began to sketch again. He sketched Ned escorting the patrons of the Cryptonomica to safety, Aubrey lighting a bush on fire to block the robber’s escape, and Duck tackling them to the ground and keeping them pinned until the authorities showed up.  


The peace was welcome, but not comforting, and Indrid found his fingers itching to dial Duck’s number again  _ just to make sure _ even though he seemed perfectly fine in Indrid’s visions. He wasn’t quite sure what to do, instead choosing to fiddle with the corners of his sketchbook paper until his phone ringing startled him out of his trance.

_ “Indrid? How are you doing?” _

The sigh of relief was almost audible. The lie most certainly was. “I’m alright, Duck. I’ll admit, it’s good to hear your voice.” Indrid did smile in spite of himself. “I almost called, but it seemed like everything went well?”

_ “Yeah, it’s just, uh,”  _ Indrid heard some shuffling from the other line.  _ “I couldn’t, uh, get the idea out of my head that you saw… something you didn’t want to.” _

Indrid froze. “I suppose you could say that. I hope the thought didn’t distract you too much.” He pushed his glasses up on his head to rub his eyes. He really didn’t want to have this discussion right now. “And what, pray tell, made you think this way?”

There was an obvious moment of silence before Duck spoke again.  _ “When you called, you sounded so panicked. I just wanted to, uh, make sure you were okay.” _

“It’s not anything I haven’t experienced before. Trust me, I know how to deal with it, but having personal involvement does make it, ah, a bit more stressful.”  _ A bit more stressful?  _ Any longer, and Indrid was certain he was going to have a panic attack.

_ “Right…” _ Duck didn’t sound quite convinced, and Indrid didn’t blame him. After spending so much time apart, his concern was understandable.  _ “Do you…want me to come over?” _

Oh, the offer was certainly tempting. The idea of being able to see Duck in person after watching him  _ die _ in several possible futures made Indrid’s heart skip a few beats. Even after spending time apart, Indrid’s touch craving hadn’t really gotten any more manageable, so being away from Duck for so long made things a bit difficult. Still, he was  _ so used _ to this, and allowing an invasion of his space when he was trying to cope on his own would make him disgustingly codependent. Besides, there was the matter of his…sleeping issues, and he really didn’t want Duck exposed to that so soon after something so stressful. As much as he wanted to let those walls down, since Duck had been so patient and accepting of him, he wasn’t sure he would be able to deal with the emotional vulnerability that came with it.

“No.” He said, an amount of finality in his voice. “No, I’ll be alright. Thank you, though. I appreciate the sentiment.”

_ “Yeah, I just figured I would offer. Oh! Before I forget,”  _ Duck started sounding a bit more excited, and even Indrid could figure that out from just hearing him.  _ “Aubrey’s throwing herself a birthday party at the lodge tomorrow, and she told me to make sure you stopped by.” _

Indrid was a bit surprised at that. “She did?” That was interesting. He didn’t think he and Aubrey were that close, but he was grateful for the invitation. “How thoughtful. That’s just like her to do. I take it you were going to ask me to accompany you as your date?”

_ “Well, yeah, no shit.” _ Duck laughed, and it put Indrid’s mind at ease. Perhaps Duck would be taking this opportunity to ease his way into being more affectionate in public. That was a cause Indrid could certainly get behind. He didn’t want to pretend anymore. Having to dodge questions about why they were spending so much time together was already so difficult.

“Then I accept. I’ll be glad to see you, Duck.”

_ “I’ll be glad to see you too. You should really try and get some rest, though. It’s getting a bit late.” _

“I suppose I will in a bit.” Indrid twirled the phone cord around his finger, but stopped when he realized he felt like a giddy school boy staying up late to talk to his secret boyfriend. It was so cliché, and Indrid couldn’t help but roll his eyes at his own indulgence. Now that he thought about it, were they even boyfriends? Could Indrid even say then when their relationship was a secret from practically the entire population of Kepler? They hadn’t even called each other anything besides their names. Perhaps Indrid was simply overthinking it too much. They could talk about it when they saw each other tomorrow. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Duck.”

_ “Alright, Indrid, I love you.” _

They were both stunned into silence for a long time before Indrid found it within himself to choke out a reply.

“Goodnight, Duck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, kudos and comments are appreciated, and I will always reply to your comments if you leave any <3


	4. iv. fake smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Indrid decides he's fed up with pretending. Duck makes an enormous mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one took longer than anticipated! My birthday was yesterday so I was a bit busy with friends and stuff :) Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

_ and i won’t say i’m feeling fine / after what i been through, i can’t lie _

* * *

Indrid didn’t find himself stunned into silence very often. Seeing every possible future robbed him of this aspect of humanity, but he didn’t miss it. When something managed to catch him off guard, it was usually because of his own negligence of that possibility. It was rare that something could change all possible futures so quickly. Then, he met Duck, and Indrid had begun getting used to his visions ceasing to exist and being replaced with brand new ones.

Nothing had prepared him for hearing Duck say those three words.

No future had even accounted for the possibility, but leave it to Duck’s impulsive tendencies to change something that was supposed to be set in stone. It really shouldn’t have been a big deal, after all. Couples say things like that to each other all the time. Why should this have been any different?

There was an answer, a very clear one, but Indrid couldn’t bring himself to face it. Instead, he begrudgingly forced himself to look somewhat presentable for when Duck inevitably showed up at his trailer to take him to Amnesty Lodge. Where he was initially looking forward to this excursion, now he was dreading it more than he should have. He tried to take his mind off it by putting the finishing touches on Aubrey’s birthday present, but even working on an actual piece of art couldn’t distract him enough from the problem at hand.  


He and Duck were going to have to talk about what he said and the implications of that statement, but if he was being honest, Indrid would rather avoid it altogether and pretend it never happened. Maybe if he pushed it off long enough, it would never come to pass. He would see it coming any way, and he was sure he could come up with any excuse to bottle up his emotions like he always did.

After managing to dress like he hadn’t rolled out of bed mere minutes ago, Indrid saw Duck pulling up to his trailer, dressed in his work uniform. He didn’t even go up to the door to open it before Duck knocked. Almost as if his body was weighed down with bags of sand, it took more effort than initially anticipated to swing open the door.

Duck sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck, as he tended to do when he was nervous. He was still dressed in his work uniform, but he appeared like he was incredibly out of his element. “You, uh, ready to head out?”

Indrid’s smile felt more forced than usual. “Of course.” He hoped Duck couldn’t tell. 

~*~

The drive to the lodge was spent in uncomfortable silence. The pleasant aura Duck usually emitted had been replaced with anxious energy, and Indrid could tell something was really bothering him. What it was, he couldn’t quite place, but he figured it had something to do with Duck keeping both hands on the steering wheel.

It seemed like an eternity before the lodge came crawling into view. After he turned off the park service truck, Duck let out an audibly shaky breath before turning to look at Indrid and speaking to him for the first time since getting in the car. “Listen, Indrid, about what I said last nightー”

“Don’t worry about it.” Indrid held up a hand to silence Duck abruptly, his tone harsher than anticipated. “It’s not a big deal.”

“No, it is, Indrid, and I really think weー”

“ーneed to have a discussion about it? You and I both know this is not the time or place for it.”

Duck’s eyebrows furrowed in frustration, an expression Indid had only seen him wear a few times since meeting him. It didn’t compliment his soft features well. He watched as Duck took off his hat and rubbed his face, almost as if he was restraining himself from saying something else. He looked out the front windshield, staring off into space before he said, “Fine. I can tell you’re not comfortable talking about it right now, so I can wait.” He reached out and put a reassuring hand on Indrid’s cheek, and Indrid felt himself leaning into the electricity of the touch. It was intoxicating, when he hadn’t had it in so long. “I just need you to know, even though our relationship ain’t public or anything like that, doesn’t mean there wasn't any truth in what I said.”

For just a moment, Indrid allowed himself to hope. He thought for just a moment that maybe Duck was going to waltz into that party with Indrid on his arm and finally announce to the whole world that they were together. Indrid hadn’t realized how much he wanted it until Duck had told him he wasn’t ready to be public about their relationship. For some reason, it made Indrid feel empty whenever they spent time together in the company of others. He was sick of pretending there was nothing there anymore. It had been almost three months, and Duck couldn’t even make himself ready when Indrid had ensured hundreds of discomforts for his sake.  


Duck was an expert at being patient and kind, but Indrid was beginning to realize he had a relatively short fuse. It was only a matter of time before he burst.  


So he put on a smile. He was becoming an expert at pretending he was okay when that couldn’t be further from the truth. “I know. I understand, Duck. And before you say it again, I know you’re not ready to tell people we’re together yet either.”

The relief flooded Duck’s expression, and he sighed happily while shaking his head. “I reckon you saw me rambling on about how stressed I was at the very thought of having to do that so soon.”

Indrid chuckled. “Yes, but I know how this goes by now. You’ll tell me when you’re ready. I can’t force that, just like you didn’t force me into anything I didn’t want.”

Duck leaned in to press a gentle kiss to Indrid’s forehead, and Indrid felt himself shiver. “What did I ever do to deserve someone so patient and kind?” He murmured, lips still ghosting over Indrid’s skin and hand still planted firmly on Indrid’s cheek.

“Something incredibly dumb, knowing your luck.” They both laughed, short and sweet, and Duck kissed his forehead again before retreating from the car and heading inside the lodge.

Indrid sat for a moment before making his way into the lodge after Duck. When he opened the door, he was surprised by how…festive it looked, for lack of a better word. Decorations were sparse, which should have been expected for such a large space in such a short time, but what (somewhat) surprised him was how many people were there, almost as if every Sylvan in Amnesty Lodge had come out of their rooms. It wasn’t as if Aubrey didn’t have any friends, but Indrid had expected something a bit more comfortable. This would certainly be an interesting experience. He could already feel his insecurities coming in full force.

As soon as he caught Aubrey’s gaze from across the room, she practically ran over to him and trapped him in a bone crushing hug. “Indrid!” She sounded so excited to see him, which was a nice change from what he had been experiencing recently. “I’m so glad Duck was able to convince you to come! I know crowds aren’t really your thing, but I feel like I never get to see you unless something horrible is about to happen.” Her smile was so warm, so kind, and Indrid could honestly say he believed her intentions were good.

“Hello, Aubrey, it’s good to see you too. I’ll admit, I was a bit shocked to find out from Duck that you actually wanted me here. Oh, I love your new piercings by the way.” He chuckled. This smile, he could tell, was genuine, and he didn’t even bother trying to fight it. “I brought a small gift. I didn’t really have enough notice to buy anything elaborate, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless.” He reached into the inside pocket of his jacket and retrieved an envelope, handing it to Aubrey as she stared at him, mouth slightly agape.

She gingerly took the envelope from Indrid and carefully broke the seal, her curiosity getting the better of her as she peered inside. Indrid could see her eyes widen as a gasp escaped her lips. “Indrid…I don’t know what to say…it’s beautiful. Thank you so much!” Aubrey pulled Indrid in for another hug, this one almost tighter than the first. “Oh my gosh, I have to show Dani right now!” Almost as quickly as she had grabbed him, Aubrey dashed off in the direction of her girlfriend, and Indrid couldn’t help but smile fondly after her.

He then began to scan the room, looking for any sign of Duck, when Ned sauntered over and clapped him on the shoulder. “Indrid!” His voice was practically bellowing right next to Indrid’s ear, and it made him flinch despite his foresight. “Good to see you, buddy. How’s trailer life treating you?”

“As good as it possibly can, Ned.” He shook his head. “Yesterday must have been quite harrowing for you. I’m glad to see you’re alright”

“Nah.” Ned shrugged. “It’s not like I’m used to stuff like that happening at the Cryptonomica, but I know how to handle it. I gotta say, I was grateful for you looking out for me like that. I don’t know what would have happened if you didn’t call.”

“It was the least I could do.” Indrid laughed off the sentimentality of that comment, but appreciated it nonetheless. “If I would have sat and done nothing after having that vision, I’d be no better than the tourists who tried to rob you.”  _ And kill you,  _ Indrid thought, but it was best he kept those parts of his visions to himself.

“Well, The Pine Guard appreciates you. Even if Mama was a bit reluctant to let you help out, I think she needs all the help she can get.” He chuckled. “Oh! By the way, Aubrey and I have a bit of a bet going, and we recently got Dani and Leo in on it too.”

“Oh?” Indrid knew where this was going, and he wished he’d kept his mouth shut while he smiled through gritted teeth. “Sounds interesting.”

“See, Leo mentioned offhandedly that you had gotten yourself a bit of a  _ romantic partner _ ,” Ned leered, and Indrid really didn’t want to hear Ned say the word  _ romantic _ in that conniving tone of voice ever again, “and we’ve been placing bets as to who this mysterious person might be.” He leaned in close to Indrid, as if to avoid any sort of suspicion from the people around him. “Now, Aubrey and I are absolutely convinced it’s Barclay, and I put a lot of money on it ‘cause he’s been sneaking around the lodge and being pretty dodgy recently, but Leo seems to think it’s Duck, and Dani put fifty cents on Keith as a joke, you know, because of how he saw your true form and all that.”

Indrid tried not to panic externally, keeping his cool façade of indifference complete with a fake smile plastered across his face in mock amusement. “So, you want me to confirm if any of you are correct so you can cash in?”

“Well, yes, but I’m also genuinely curious who was able to snatch the infamous Mothman as their arm candy.”

“I am no one’s  _ arm candy, _ Ned Chicane, and I don’t have any arm candy of my own.” His tone barely shifted, but it was enough for Indrid to notice a change. He managed to keep his cool enough to mumble, “I’m not really at liberty to disclose his identity. He’s not quite comfortable making our relationship public as of yet.”

“Ah, I see.” He paused, eyes peering off into the distance like he was searching for something, then shrugged. “Well, if you can’t tell me now, I’d love to be the first to know so I can adjust my bets accordingly.” With that, Ned gave Indrid one more shoulder pat before disappearing into the crowd again, giving Indrid the space he needed to breathe. He was beginning to remember why he hated large groups of people, so he continued to remind himself that he wasn’t here for himself. He was here for a  _ friend _ , someone who cared about him enough to invite him to celebrate something special with them.

The party continued, and Indrid found himself regretfully mingling with the patrons of the lodge after he failed to meet up with Duck, but it took him quite a bit of effort. Luckily, word hadn’t gotten out too far about Ned’s bet with some of the other party goers, which he was extremely grateful for.  


He found himself having to force his way through conversations that should have been easy. Most of the Sylvans hadn’t met him before, but they knew about the incident at Silver Bridge, and some of them lacked the tact not to ask him about it. Indrid really wished people would stop bringing it up, himself included. Point Pleasant seemed to be the only place where his nightmarish dreams took place since December of 1967. He did the best he could, politely avoiding any intrusive questions while maintaining a smile that was a few marks short of pleasant. He wished Duck was here with him, and they could run away to literally anywhere else, but Duck seemed to be preoccupied with Aubrey and Ned, practically ignoring Indrid for the entire night. It was like they were strangers. No one could have guessed they arrived together.

Indrid was beginning to think that maybe something was wrong with him and Duck, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. It wasn’t until Duck had pulled Indrid aside and asked to talk to him somewhere private, that Indrid realized his few visions of a possible squabble were about to come to pass. They were going to have an argument, and there was nothing Indrid could do to stop it now. Perhaps he should have been a little more proactive, but he couldn’t bring himself to care now.

Duck was standing outside next to his car, forehead resting in his hand as he shook his head. Indrid did his best to brace himself for the coming conversation, but it was doubtful he would be able to diffuse the situation. The best course of action, it appeared, was to let Duck say what he needed to and keep a level head. However, there was a problem. Indrid had his own anger beginning to spark in his chest, residual build up from the past week, and it was threatening to consume him. This wasn’t going to end well.

Neither of them spoke for a while, simply allowing the air to whip around them as they stood still. It was a long time before Indrid managed to ask the dreaded question. “You wanted to see me?”

Duck didn’t respond, his back still facing Indrid with his shoulders tensed. He watched as Duck slowly turned around to stare at him. Their eyes met, and Duck’s eyebrows furrowed. “Care to explain to me why Leo knows about us?”

“Is this…is this about Ned’s ridiculous bet?” Indrid tried his best not to laugh, but his tone was still far from serious. His future vision seemed to be shrinking, and he was becoming less attuned to what he should be doing to produce the most favorable outcome. “Duck, it’s just a harmless way for him to gamble at someone else’s expense. I really don’t see it being a problem in the foreseeable future.”  


“You…” Duck took a deep breath and squeezed his eyes shut. “You told Leo you were seeing someone, and he kept poking at me for information because he thinks it’s me.”

“Well, he’s right, but he doesn’t know that.” The urge to roll his eyes was strong, especially considering Duck couldn’t see behind his glasses. “I was asking him for relationship advice, but I never told him your name. I know better than to betray someone’s privacy like that.” He paused, and then added, “The fact that you don’t trust me with this arrangement makes me…frustrated.”  


Indrid watched as Duck took a few hesitant steps towards him, averting his knowing gaze. “Indrid, it’s not that I don’t trust you. I trust you with my life, but I just can’t afford any slip ups before I'm ready to tell everyone.”  


“Before  _ you’re _ ready to tell everyone? Don’t you think maybe that should have been a choice for both of us to make?” Duck reached out a hand towards Indrid’s face, who swatted it away without a second thought. “Don’t,” he snapped more than he meant to, his words coming out harsh and bitter, “Don’t think you can placate me with comforting touches and sweet words, Duck Newton. We have real grievances we need to address.”

The man in front of him recoiled like he’d been slapped, pulling his hand away and taking a step back. “Wait, Indrid, please calm down. I won’t touch you if you don’t want一”

“Shut up.” Indrid pinched the bridge of his nose in between his thumb and pointer finger. “Just stop talking and listen to me for a second.” There was buzzing in his ears, stemming from possible futures invading his mind but not fully coming into focus. It had been decades since anger had gotten the better of him and messed with his mind. He took a deep breath before speaking through gritted teeth. “You brought me here, under the implication that I was supposed to be your  _ date _ , only to abandon me for the entire night. I have to walk on eggshells around your friends just to protect you from something that I still don’t quite understand, and yet  _ you _ think you reserve the right to be angry at  _ me. _ ”

When Indrid opened his eyes, Duck was staring at him in stunned silence. “I…shit, Indrid, I’m not…why didn’t you say anything sooner?”

“Because I didn’t want to face what I knew to be the truth.”  


“And what, pray tell, do you think that is?”

Silence again. The accusation hung heavy on Indrid’s tongue as he scanned Duck for any sort of malice. Of course, there wasn’t any, just the same kind, genuine person he had always known was there. His fists hung by his side, fingernails digging into his palms as he tried not to let his hands shake. Suddenly, he couldn’t bear to look at Duck anymore, and he turned his head away when he spoke.  


“You’re embarrassed of me.” Indrid exhaled with a shaky laugh. “Clearly, that’s the only logical explanation, since you have friends who don’t care about what kind of people you date. At first, I didn’t understand, but it only took a week of thought to finally piece it together. It would make perfect sense if you didn’t want people constantly thinking you deserved better than a social recluse who lives in a trailer, by himself, in the woods.” The volume of his voice continued to increase with every word, and suddenly every future was replaced with white, hot rage. “I mean, I don’t blame you. I’m not exactly prime relationship material, but what I don’t understand is why you would bother with me in the first place if you never wanted anyone to see us together!” The blinding emotion subsided, and Indrid managed to look Duck in the eyes and ask him what he’d been dying to know for weeks in a voice barely above a whisper. “Are you really so ashamed of me, Duck Newton?”

Duck didn’t answer or fight back, the tension slowly draining from his shoulders as his mild anger faded into exhaustion. He shook his head, putting his face in his hands, and Indrid could only assume by his lack of response that he managed to hit the nail on the head yet again. His breathing had become slightly more labored as a result of the emotional output he was experiencing. Suddenly, his visions began to change, and his resolve was beginning to crumble. If he stayed here any longer, he wouldn’t be able to hold his ground, and he would fold back into Duck’s embrace.  


“I’m going to ask Ned to take me home, if you don’t mind.” Indrid spoke coldly, and it reminded him of his very first conversation with Duck. This was the Indrid he was before: analytical, perceptive, distant, clinical. Duck had come in and disrupted the natural order of his life, and he decided he needed to put it back together. “In the interest of emotional self preservation, I think it would be best if we extended our break. I need time to think about…whatever this is between us now.”

Indrid turned away from Duck, who hadn’t moved from his spot, and began to walk back into the Lodge. As he grabbed the handle of the door, Duck finally managed to speak. “You’re wrong, Indrid.”

“I hardly ever am,” He spat back in retaliation, opening the door just enough to pass through, “so prove it.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, kudos and comments are appreciated, and I will always reply to your comments if you leave any <3


	5. v. make up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Indrid started a fight. Duck finishes it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're halfway there! I'm so grateful for all of you for reading, and I'm really excited to see how you respond to where the story goes from here! Good communication is key!!!

_ that’s the way to shut me up after an argument  
_

* * *

Another week passed by in dangerous monotony. Indrid found himself lying around aimlessly more often than he cared to admit, mind racing with possible futures in which he called Duck to apologise for his outburst. For some reason, he could never bring himself to do it, and so he continued to evaluate every possible ‘what if’ scenario.

What would he even apologize for? He wasn’t sorry about what he said, but he definitely regretted how he said it. Spending so much time in the company of other people was making Indrid soft and vulnerable. Not only that, but it was affecting his future vision, making it difficult to focus on anything other than who he was emotionally attached to. Perhaps the break was a good thing, but Indrid highly doubted needing space three months into the relationship was a great sign. He didn’t need future vision to know that much.

In hindsight, Indrid was to blame for the majority of the situation. All he had to do was just  _ talk _ to Duck, and he couldn’t even manage that much. At this point, he wasn’t sure if he deserved to be in a relationship when all he did was push people away. Duck didn’t deserve that, and Indrid couldn’t stand the thought of hurting someone he cared about so much. He’s a monster, but that didn’t mean he had to act like one.

As the week dragged on, Indrid began to notice his thoughts becoming scattered and more self critical than before. His mind would wander to places he didn’t want to see, unable to concentrate on any task for longer than a few minutes before abandoning it all together. The more their argument festered, the harder it would be to reconcile it, but Indrid couldn’t bring himself to pick up the phone and make the first move. His sleep habits were becoming more irregular and harder to predict, which meant restful nights were entirely out of the question now.

He was sitting at his table, nursing a cup of eggnog, when the phone rang. Before picking it up, he quickly scanned through multiple visions to figure out who it was before pressing the receiver to his ear. “Hello, Ned. What can I do for you?”

_ “Well you could give me the $40 I lost betting on who your stupid boyfriend is.” _

Indrid couldn’t help but laugh. It felt good to hear a voice that wasn’t in his head. “Perhaps you shouldn’t be sticking your nose into other people’s business, Ned Chicane,” he scolded, but only enough to tease him. “Care to tell me how you found out my little secret?”

_ “Well, Duck came into the lodge today after work and made all of us sit down so he could give us some news. We all thought someone had died or something crazy like that, but he just told us he’d had a boyfriend for three months and didn’t say anything ‘cause he was worried we would judge him or whatever. Of course, we wanted to know who it was, and you know how Duck can’t lie for shit. Now, I owe Leo Tarkesian money because I guessed wrong.” _

“He…” Indrid swallowed hard, trying to keep his voice from shaking. “He told you himself?”

_ “Yeah. I was surprised too. He tends to be really private about his life, mostly ‘cause he doesn’t want to worry us. Which, to be quite frank, is stupid, but that’s Duck for you.” _

“Yes, I suppose you’re right.” Indrid could feel the nausea boiling in his gut, settling in as he put a hand on his stomach to clench the fabric of his tank top. “Is he…still there with you?”  


_ “Uh…no actually. I think he said he was going to see you.” _

“Ah, I see. Well, I appreciate the call, Ned, and no, before you ask again, I won’t be giving you money for compensation simply because you’re bad at making assumptions. Have a good night.” After quickly hanging up the phone, Indrid found himself motivated to clean up the horrendous state of his trailer, making sure Duck wouldn’t see just how miserable Indrid had been without him. That was a conversation he certainly didn’t want to have right now or ever again, if he was lucky.

A few minutes passed before Indrid started seeing visions of Duck arriving at his trailer, so he picked up the pace, discarding old cups of eggnog and abandoned drawings. It seemed his creativity was suffering too, and he allowed his mind to delve into all the possible things that were influenced by his emotional state before finding himself wandering towards the door and opening it before Duck could even touch it.

_ “I’m sorry,” _ they both spoke at the same time, paused, and then burst out laughing at how ridiculous this entire situation was. Here they were, together again after not speaking to each other for two weeks, giggling like children because they happened to speak at the same time.

“You should…probably come inside.” Indrid managed to stumble between chuckles as he stepped aside to let Duck in.  


It was strange, how even after so long Duck seemed like he belonged here with Indrid. He had a calm demeanor about him now, his shoulders relaxed and rolled back, stretching to his full height (which was still shorter than Indrid’s tall, lanky form).  


After their brief moment, Duck cleared his throat awkwardly, the noise almost catching in his throat. “I, uh…told them about us. That you were my boyfriend and everything. Obviously with the hope that, y’know, we would, uh, still be together and all that.” He took a deep breath and Indrid felt his heart skip a beat. “I know I screwed up. Real bad. I thought I could just make decisions for the both of us, ‘cause I haven’t done this for so long, y’know? I’m not used to, uh, sharing my feelings and shit with other people. And I should have just explained from the beginning that it wasn’t…it wasn’t you, Indrid, it was always me and my own insecurities.”

“Insecurities?” Indrid tilted his head to the side in confusion. That was strange, considering Duck surrounded himself with such wonderful, accepting friends. “I’m not sure I follow.”

“Well, uh…shit.” Duck averted his gaze, eyes trained on the floor. “I didn’t want to tell them because…I, uh, didn’t want people to think you were too good for me.”

Well,  _ that _ certainly wasn’t what Indrid was expecting. “C-come again?”

“You’re the first boyfriend I’ve had in a real long time, Indrid, a-and I didn’t want people talking about us like we shouldn’t be together.” He looked back up at Indrid with a sad look in his eyes. “It happened to me before, once, and I just…I…I really didn’t want to put you through that.”

Indrid impulsively reached up and placed his hands on the side of Duck’s face. “Duck Newton.” His voice came out barely above a whisper. “How could anyone ever say anything bad about you? You’re one of the kindest, bravest people I’ve ever known. If anyone has anything bad to say about you, they’re a fool.”

“It’s not…it’s not that simpleー”

“I know. Trust me. When I got upset with you at the lodge, I was projecting my own insecurities onto you so I could justify being angry. I allowed it to consume me, and I made accusations about you that I know now aren’t true.” Indrid smiled warmly, a  _ real _ smile this time. “I lost sight of what’s important. I’m just relieved that you told them. It’s more stressful to keep secrets.”  _ Of course, I would know all about that. _

Duck hesitantly wrapped his arms around Indrid’s waist, pulling him just a little bit closer. There was still a distance between them, but it was beginning to shrink. “You thought I was ashamed of you. I get it. But…I care about you so much. The last thing I would ever want to do is hurt you.”

Indrid’s hands trailed down Duck’s neck to rest on his shoulders. “You’re too good to me, Duck.”   


“No.” Duck shook his head. “No, I’m good to you because you…you deserve to be loved, Indrid. The thought of you, alone in this trailer, it tears me apart that I couldn’t be there for you more.”   


“I just…need to communicate better. I always forget that I’m several steps ahead of everyone else, sometimes I just forget that other people don’t know things like I do.”

“It’s not just you…I need to, uh, find better words to say how I feel about stuff and other things.”

He couldn’t help but laugh. “Maybe we should start by figuring out what exactly ‘stuff and other things’ means.”

Duck grinned and pulled Indrid closer. “Yeah. Promise we’ll talk about our problems from here on out?”

“Promise. Now,” He leaned a little closer to Duck, almost teasing him by still maintaining a gap between them, “I think we should begin making up for lost time, don’t you?”

Surprisingly, Duck pulled away and frowned slightly. “Are you sure you’re, uh, comfortable with that? I don’t want you caught up in the moment and have you accidentally put yourself in an awkward position.”

He couldn’t help but gush over how thoughtful and kind Duck really was, always worried about other people more than himself. He considered himself lucky that he didn’t royally screw this up by failing to control his emotions. Indrid could have the best of both worlds if he worked at it, but he had to be patient, like Duck was. “It’s the least I could do, after I…forced your hand in getting us to take a break, for lack of a better term.” Indrid tilted his head in a silent invitation, his body moving without him even thinking about it. In almost every possible future, Duck accepted his offer, but there was always the fear of rejection. “I want this, Duck. Now that we’re being more open and honest, I’ve missed you so much this week I can barely stand it.”

“I…” Duck swallowed. “I suppose we, uh, could make up for some lost time…” He smiled. “Two whole weeks is a lot to miss.”

“Far too long, I think.” Then, Indrid saw only one future, and he decided to take the initiative to make it come as fast as possible. He leaned down, capturing Duck’s lips with his in a gentle, yet inexperienced kiss. Their lips remained mostly closed, mutual fear and caution ensuring nothing went any further than this. Not yet anyway. It was too precious to rush anything. Slow and steady with bursts of hot energy seemed to be the way their relationship was playing out, and Indrid wouldn’t have it any other way.

When Duck broke away, gasping lightly for air, he couldn’t stop the flush that spread across his cheeks. “Damn. You should really be bold more often.”

“You think so?” Indrid’s fingers began to tangle themselves in the hair on the back of Duck’s neck. “I’ll admit, it’s not very exciting when I know all the possible ways a situation like this could go, but it feels nice in the moment.”

“Oh, yeah, I didn’t really think about that.”

“Don’t let it worry you too much.” Indrid gently bumped his forehead against Duck’s with a sigh. “If it makes you feel better, I can pretend to be surprised when you do something like that.”

“Nah, that’s just worse.” He laughed and reached up with his head to meet Indrid’s lips again, this kiss much more carefree and light, Duck practically laughing the whole way through it. “Man, I could get used to this.”

Indrid sighed. “Don’t get too comfortable, Duck. You really should get home before it gets too late.” He managed to pry himself away from his  _ boyfriend’s _ (Duck really had said that, and Indrid was getting warm just thinking about it) grasp, but not without a peck on the cheek. Duck couldn’t stay the night with Indrid, not yet, without Indrid making sure he took care of some things first. “I’ll see you soon, though.”

“Yeah, yeah you will. I mean, shit, you too. Wait…” He furrowed his brow as he started walking towards the door, stumbling over his words just before letting out a short huff of air. “You know what I mean.”

“Of course. I’ll see you soon, Duck.” Indrid did his best not to move towards Duck again as he slowly opened the door and disappearing from the trailer. When the door swung shut, Indrid grabbed his shirt over his chest and his breathing picked up, causing his heart to skip a few beats. He couldn’t believe what was happening to him. All of that work he did, gone in an instant simply because Duck put his hands on his waist. There wasn’t any chance of Indrid resisting Duck’s emotional pull on him, and with another abomination coming in about a month, Indrid had to be ready.

It would be fine. Everything would work out as long as he and Duck didn’t intrude in each other’s space too much. Of course, that would be extremely difficult, all things considered. Indrid wasn’t sure if he could survive twenty-four hours without being able to kiss Duck again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, kudos and comments are appreciated, and I will always reply to your comments if you leave any <3


	6. vi. bloodline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Indrid tries to create more distance to fix his powers. Duck isn't having any of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back from vacation and ready to post the next chapter! Hope you're all enjoying the story so far, and thank you all so much for all the kudos and sweet comments you've been leaving me! I appreciate you guys so much <3

_ and no need to apologize, no / but you gon’ have to let this shit go _

* * *

Another abomination came and went, and with it the seasons began to change as light, summer breezes turned into cold, fall chills. Duck and Indrid had fallen into a decent routine, their visits becoming longer, but less frequent, and Indrid found himself much more invested in the time they actually spent together. With the amount of time he was spending at Duck’s place he might as well have been living there, as most of their visits had been spent inside since Indrid couldn’t regulate his body temperature very well on his own. Having a big, warm  _ boyfriend _ made those longer nights much more bearable.

Yes, it had been almost two months since Duck had called Indrid his boyfriend, and Indrid was still over the moon about it. He hadn’t expected something with so much commitment to be so heartwarming for him, especially considering he wanted to keep a bit more distance between him and Duck while they were together. It was comforting, knowing he had someone to look out for him, even if they weren’t near each other all the time.  


Of course, this presented an issue all on its own. Indrid had began to realize that being around Duck affected his future vision in strange ways. Well, maybe not Duck specifically, but the euphoria from being around him made Indrid’s head spin, and the quality of his future visions deteriorated as their intimacy began to escalate. No matter how hard he tried to control it, he could never seem to distract himself long enough for the visions to come back. It made him anxious that he couldn’t see into the future far enough to ensure the safety of the Pine Guard at all times. That was part of his job now, and he had to make sure he did it properly.

Being around Duck alleviated some of that anxiety, but the fear never truly went away, despite his best attempts to push the feeling down. Indrid was constantly worried he would mess something up horrendously, like he did at Silver Bridge or what could have happened at the Cryptonomica, so part of him was always a bit hesitant to take the next step. There were still things he had to keep hidden, for Duck’s sake and his own, and he tried not to let those intrusive thoughts bother him so much. He had been deftly avoiding it without alerting Duck that anything was wrong, but he knew the mirage would be disrupted eventually.

It happened a few days before the next abomination came. Indrid had allowed Duck to distract him during one of their weekly movie nights. They were tangled in a mess of blankets, trying their best to stay on the couch as Duck’s hands were wandering towards places they shouldn’t have been. Caught up in the moment, Indrid didn’t want to stop him, instead succumbing to his overwhelming feelings and letting things happen to him for once. He couldn’t see the future, not really, but he tried his best not to pay attention to that. Despite the enjoyable atmosphere, the guilt continued to eat him up inside, and Indrid couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if the Abomination decided to come earlier than anticipated.

The disruption wasn’t bad, but it caught Indrid a bit off guard, and he chastised himself for not paying more careful attention so he could have avoided this. Duck had been busying himself with kissing down Indrid’s neck, so he had expected Duck to be quiet for some time. His breath was hot, wet, and  _ distracting _ , but Indrid still understood him loud and clear.  


“ _ Stay _ .”

Indrid froze up underneath Duck, eyes widening as he removed his hands from Duck and adjusted his glasses, which had fallen askew in light of recent…activities. “What?”

Duck suddenly lost his nerve, hands struggling to find ground as he pushed up to look at Indrid. “I, uh…I just mean…you don’t have to go back to your trailer. You could…stay here…with me.”

“I…” Indrid tried to chose his next words very carefully so as not to alert Duck that something was wrong. “Are you sure you want that?”

“Yes.” Duck smiled and Indrid felt his resolve melting. “I just…it seems like you’ve been a little distant lately, and I wanted to check up on you. That’s why I, uh, called you over. I hate taking you home, because it means I won’t see you for a few days.”

Indrid knew this wasn’t a good idea, but Duck was looking at him with such a pleading expression, it was difficult to say no. He took a deep breath. “We promised we would talk about things, Duck, and I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. I…really enjoy spending time with you and doing things like…this, but I’ve been keeping my distance a bit because, well, being around you affects my future vision.” Not a lie, but not the entire truth either. Indrid still considered that a win.

“I…what?” Duck moved away from Indrid, sitting up so he was on the couch rather than on top of him. “I’m affecting your powers? Hell, Indrid, why didn’t you say anything sooner?”

Indrid pushed his glasses up on his nose and shuffled to an upright sitting position. “Well, at first, it was simply a hypothesis. I was trying to figure out why so many of my visions were so centered only around you, but I’ve found throughout our relationship, my focus seems to become more narrow depending on where I’m dedicating my time. My power does take a lot out of me mentally, but I can’t really afford to not look ahead when that’s all I’ve ever done for so long.” He took a deep breath. “The more space we have between us, the more I can broaden my focus and use my vision to see things outside of you. Not to mention, physical intimacy affects the quality of those visions, and sometimes I can only see a few seconds ahead if I’m lucky.”

Duck’s mouth formed a silent ‘o’ shape as Indrid spoke and his eyes widened. “Shit. So that’s why you never had a problem with me not having a lot of time around you whenever abomination season hits in Kepler, huh?”

“Yes. It allows me to clear my head and focus, and it truly makes things better for both of us. I still see you, of course. Subconsciously, I think my brain knows it needs to protect you, but our proximity does make a difference. I barely realized you were going to speak earlier until it almost happened because you were distracting me and my hormones simply can’t keep up.”

“Is that…is that such a bad thing?” Duck asked, and Indrid could feel himself starting to get defensive. “I mean, wouldn’t it be nice if you could, uh, not forget, but like…ignore it for a while?”

“Duck, if we hadn’t taken that break, there’s no knowing if I would have been able to see the surprise attack on the Cryptonomica!” His voice began to raise and his speech began to quicken at an alarming rate. “I won’t be able to save your friends,  _ our _ friends, if something were to happen to them. I don’t want to take that risk, Duck, I…I…” He averted his gaze. “I don’t want to lose you. Any of you. Not like Silver Bridge. I won’t go through that again.” He didn’t want to be that monster again, and if things continued in this way, Indrid was afraid something terrible would happen from his negligence.   


“Hey…” Duck scooted closer and placed his hands on Indrid’s forearms, and it wasn’t until he had relaxed into the touch that he realized he had been digging his fingernails into his palms. “It’s okay. You don’t have to stay if it you’re just going to be worried the whole damn time. I’ll let it go if, uh, if that’s what you want.”

“Promise?”

“Promise. As long as you try your best not to worry when we do spend time together like this.” Duck was lightly scolding him, but Indrid simply chuckled in response.

“I’ll do my best. Now…” he smirked, trying his best to ignore the obscene futures running through his head, “Where were we?”

~*~

As soon as Duck put the thought in his mind, it was very hard for Indrid to get it out.

_ Stay. _ How could he? What if the world was going to crumble around them, and Indrid couldn’t see it coming? Of course, Indrid knew it wasn’t his job to save everyone, but he had people he cared about now, and he couldn’t abandon them in their time of need. If he stayed with Duck, there was no telling what could possibly happen to his powers, or even how narrow his scope would become. Not to mention his little problem that he  _ still _ didn’t have control over after years. It was entirely possible Duck would make that worse too.

That wasn’t the only thing, of course. If he stayed with Duck, it was likely he would never want to leave ever again, and that  _ terrified _ him more than anything else. Having his trailer was like a safety net, and it would always catch him as a failsafe if something were to go horribly wrong. It didn’t change the fact that he wanted to. Maybe, if he could figure out a way to control his emotions enough to widen the scope of his powers, or fix his sleep patterns to be more accommodating, he could stay with Duck. It wasn’t foolproof, but it was a plan nonetheless. Indrid decided to put this plan into motion, setting aside his own fears and doubts long enough for him to bottle them up and ask Duck a few weeks later.

Duck had been visiting Indrid’s trailer for a few hours, and was preparing to head out when Indrid grabbed his wrist as he reached for his hat. His head whipped around to face Indrid, who put on the warmest smile he could muster,

_ “Stay.” _ He said, and Duck raised his eyebrows at him.

“Are…are you sure?” He whispered.

A pause, and then, “I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life.” Indrid knew he was lying, but this was the closest he would ever get to this experience. If staying at Duck’s was too much, then maybe the Winnebago was a better setting. He was comfortable here, more in his element, and the fears that plagued him stayed at a safer distance when he was in the confines of his trailer. If he treated this like an experiment, he wouldn’t get hurt as long as he kept a certain emotional distance.  


He gently pulled Duck closer to him and pressed their foreheads together. Their breath seemed to intermingle as his heart rate began to pick up speed. The beats were ringing in his ear. He needed to convince Duck that he was fine with this. He was going to be okay.

“I don’t believe you, Indrid.”  _ Well, shit. _

“Wait…what?” Indrid chuckled nervously. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go. He had seen it a hundred times over. Duck would succumb to his emotions and stay the night with him. “I don’t understand.”

“You said it yourself. Me being here…it, uh, it doesn’t really work with your powers and shit. I know it stresses you out.”

Indrid laughed. “I…I didn’t realize you could see through me so well.”

“I know I horrible liar when I see one. Plus, you did tell me, and I didn’t forget.” Duck smiled and pulled away from Indrid’s grasp, a comforting warmth suddenly leaving him. “You know I want to stay, I really do, but I also promised we wouldn’t do anything you weren’t ready for.”

“But I…” Indrid could feel himself getting frantic. “I have to do this. If I don’t expose myself to it, I’ll never grow comfortable having someone in the same living space as me,” Indrid shook his head, “and then what? I really do want this, but it’s so…so bad for me, for my powers. I feel like a clinical trial patient, going through the motions until I can find what doesn’t make me uncomfortable.”

“We can take our time, Ind一”

“But that’s just it!” He tried to stifle a nervous laugh. “I’ve never been in the company of others for more than a few minutes until we started doing…this! I have no idea what I’m doing, and the only way for me to figure it out is by examining the future, but that prevents me from experiencing anything normally. Not to mention that just being around you affects my powers in strange ways that I’m only now beginning to fully realize. It’s like losing my safety crutch, and it worries me that I can’t see when something could go wrong.”  


Duck pursed his lips in thought, eyes narrowed like he was searching for something that he couldn’t quite find. He scratched at his chin absentmindedly as the two stood together in silence for a while before Duck spoke up again. “I have…an idea. No, not really an idea, more like a, uh, experiment? I’m not sure what to call it. Maybe a plan?” He met Indrid’s gaze, looking up at him with some sort of strange glint in his eye. Indrid wasn’t quite sure what to make of that. “If I stay, here, in the trailer with you, but we don’t…sleep in the same area, will your powers still be alright?”

“I…I don’t know. If I’m being perfectly honest, it’s been quite some time since I’ve had to entertain guests for any longer than you’ve stayed here.”   


“Well…” He smiled, and Indrid could practically see the gears turning in his head. “How about this. Since we don’t have another abomination due for a while, why don’t we figure out if your powers still work when we stay together? We can try a couple different things, or, uh, if you have any…brain exercises? I’m not really sure how your power works.”

Indrid liked the sound of that. If Duck was the one offering, then it wouldn’t be weird for him to test some of his theories that he hadn’t given much thought to. “If you would be okay with that, the offer is extremely enticing on both a scientific and emotional front. I’ll admit, I have some theories about why my emotions affect my powers in such a strange way.”  


“Well then, you have my complete cooperation.” Duck chuckled nervously. “You’re not, uh, going to draw any blood or anything like that, right? I’m not a big fan of needles.”

“No, no I wouldn’t make you do that even if I had access to that kind of equipment.” He tried to reassure Duck as best he could with a comforting smile, but he could tell the idea of an ‘experiment’ was a bit nerve wracking for him. “You have nothing to worry about. I’ll only ask you to perform certain tasks, specifically regarding physical touch and affection. I doubt you’ll have any problems with that.”

“Nah, I’m always good with that.”

“Perfect. Then, let’s begin.” Indrid shuffled away towards his makeshift desk, searching through his piles of papers for a notebook and a pen. “Would you mind sitting on the bed for me? I feel like that may be the most beneficial place to conduct our little investigation.”

“Sure.” Indrid continued to search his belongings as he heard the tell-tale squeak of his old bed from lack of use. The amount of times he actually used it were slim to none, but it served its purpose nonetheless. After finally finding what he was looking for, Indrid followed Duck, who had removed his shoes and was sitting on the bed with his legs crossed in front of him. “Now, I need to figure out to what degree we’ll be conducting this experiment. I’m thinking we could just…see where things go, if you catch my drift, and I’ll pause whenever I make any crucial observations so I can write them down. How does that sound?” Duck stared at Indrid like a deer caught in the headlights, unsure of how to respond and confusion written in the creases of his face. Indrid tried not to sigh out of exasperation as he plopped down next to Duck. “In simpler terms, I need you to makeout with me so I can write down how my powers respond.”

“Oh.” Duck sighed, almost like a breathy chuckle. “Yeah, I can do that just fine,” he said, and put his hands over Indrid’s forearms as he leaned in to kiss him.  


He started gentle, as he usually did, lips barely opening more than just enough to allow for proper lip locking. Sometimes, Indrid felt like he was just along for the ride, and he made a mental note to himself to do some research and improve his technique. The best part, Indrid found, was how much Duck liked to use his hands. They tended to roam all over his body, and each gentle caress made his skin crawl with electricity. This time was no different. Duck’s hands trailed up Indrid’s arms to his shoulders and then the back of his head, letting his fingers tangle in the fluffy hairs at the base of Indrid’s neck. He wondered what it would feel like if he let Duck pull his hair.

It was like Duck could read his thoughts, because as soon as the idea crossed Indrid’s mind, Duck was gently tugging on the strands in between his fingers. His heart was racing, his vision started going white, and he could barely keep track of events that were mere seconds away. After a few agonizing moments of that, Indrid managed to pull away and quickly reach for his notebook to scribble down what he had just experienced for the first time.

_ Extreme reactions to physical stimulus deteriorate quality of visions. Can only see a few seconds ahead with futures in close proximity to myself. More research needs to be conducted for conclusive results. _

Indrid scribbled furiously across the pages while Duck sat next to him, looking a bit miffed by the sudden lack of physical contact, but he waited patiently until Indrid was finished before attempting to make any moves again. Duck leaned in for another kiss, which Indrid gratefully accepted, but this only lasted for a short moment before Indrid had broken off to take more notes. This went on for several minutes, with Indrid never fully allowing himself to just be enraptured in the moment. Instead, he continued to make scientific observations about his powers and their interaction with his brain reacting to different stimuli.

After seeming satisfied with his next batch of conclusions, Indrid closed his notebook, only to have Duck snatch it out of his hand and toss it away unceremoniously. “Duck? What are youー” Indrid started to protest, but was cut off by the gentle force of Duck pushing his back onto the bed and slowly climbing on top of him. Indrid swallowed hard before letting out a nervous chuckle. “What are you doing, Duck?”

He couldn’t see anymore, and he was panicked. Indrid had no idea how these futures could go, and it was scaring him more than he ever thought possible. Duck could be trying to kill him, and he would never know, because his brain was scattered in a million pieces, and he couldn’t pull himself together long enough to view any cohesive future.

“I get that you wanna be all…scientific about this stuff, but you gotta let go sometimes, Indrid.” Duck smiled, his lips and cheeks delightfully flushed from their previous activities. “I want you to have a good time just as much as I am. Sometimes you just gotta let go.”

“But…” Indrid’s voice was strained and breathy. “But I can’t. Duck, I  _ want _ to, believe me, but the possibility of something happening is always fluctuating, and someone has to keep track of it all.”

“So why does that have to be you? You don’t owe anybody in Kepler anything, Indrid.” Duck shook his head. “Look, I…I get it. I really do. I’ve seen some shit in my dreams that wasn’t all that great, and I had to…I had to just live with it. I know you want to protect the Pine Guard because you feel like it’s your job, but none of us are ever really alone. Aubrey has Dani, Mama, and the rest of Amnesty Lodge to protect her. Ned has Kirby and Billy with him most of the time, and even when I’m not with you, I at least have my cat and Leo next door if anything goes real south. The visions, they don’t…they don’t make it any easier, so why wouldn’t you want to just escape that for a little while?”

“I…” Indrid looked up at Duck, eyes wide behind his glasses as he took in the meaning of what Duck just said. Of course. How could he have been so blind to this before? Duck fully understood what Indrid was going through because he had visions of his own for years that he couldn’t do anything to prevent. Duck didn’t owe the world anything, and he had been born and raised here, while Indrid was constantly trying to give back to a world that didn’t even want him there. Why the hell would anyone do that? “I don’t know, Duck. I feel like I owe this world so much, and I want to do everything I can to fix my past mistakes.”

“An admirable trait,” Duck said, voice low while dipping his head closer to Indrid’s ear, “but you’re allowed a bit of, uh, self indulgence once in a while, don’t you think?”

Shivers began to crawl down Indrid’s spine as Duck’s warm breath tickled his skin, creating a myriad of small bumps all over his body. His visions were completely turning white now. He couldn’t see anything past the moment he was stuck in now, but his lips curled into a smile, and he made the decision while he was still conscious to let go of people outside of himself and Duck for one night. He could allow himself this one luxury, even if it never happened again. The world would have to be okay without him for a few hours.

Indrid let himself fall into the cool nothingness of the sheets on his bed as Duck’s hands and lips were everywhere, starting on his ear and trailing down the side of his neck. His sensitivities made everything so overwhelming, and he found himself grabbing onto Duck’s shirt for dear life as electricity crackled underneath his skin. Warm hands met cold hips underneath his shirt and Indrid gasped, Duck seizing the opportunity to capture his lips in a blindingly hot kiss.

They broke apart for only a short moment, long enough for Indrid to choke out one word: “ _ Stay. _ ”

“Are you sure?” Duck asked again, and this time, Indrid knew he was telling the truth.

“I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, kudos and comments are appreciated, and I will always reply to your comments if you leave any <3


	7. vii. 7 rings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Indrid gets more than he bargained for. Duck goes overboard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Sorry this took so long, I've been super busy with rehearsals and tech week for a musical that I'm in (Little Shop of Horrors!) :) I was asked to be dance captain which took up most of the free time I had left this summer. All of the sweet comments on this fic are the only things keeping me going at this point <3
> 
> This chapter is pretty short and sweet, and it sets up some stuff that will happen in later chapters ;) Enjoy!

_ i see it, i like it, i want it, i got it _

* * *

Indrid remembers Duck telling him they would take things slow in his tiny apartment bathroom with a particular fondness. If you were to tell him back then that he would be gathering up his things from the Winnebago and packing them into a few small boxes, he would have called you a madman. Most couples didn’t go this far for at least the first year, but eight months into their relationship seemed to be enough time apart for them.

This was the next logical step in relationships, he told himself. Once things get intimate it’s only a matter of time before people start moving in together. Still, that did nothing to quell his anxieties as he managed to tape up another box filled with various items he had collected from his few travels. He started rummaging through the cupboards, pulling out all his mugs that he knew for sure he wanted to keep, when there was a knock on his trailer door before Duck sauntered in. Indrid had been expecting him, so as soon as he entered he turned to give his boyfriend all of his attention. “Good morning, Duck.”

“Hey, Indrid, I brought you some一”

“一bubble wrap for my glassware. Thank you, although I don’t think I’ll need nearly this much. I don’t have as many mugs as you think I do.”

Duck chuckled. “I see your future vision’s making a comeback.”

“It never left.” Indrid smiled, and he knew Duck realized the weight of his words. After Indrid had fully decided to give into the temptation of physical intimacy, several barriers came down in his relationship, but at the cost of his future vision. He wasn’t giving it up entirely, but it took a few months before he was able to have sustained physical contact and still be able to see the future. While some barriers still remained, mostly for Indrid’s sake since  _ certain activities _ had too many variables to consider, things were much more comfortable between them now. It was more progress than Indrid had seen within himself in a long time. As soon as Indrid had begun reporting his good progress to Duck, he began seeing several futures in which Duck asked him to move in. Like the coffee date, it took him a while before one of those futures actually came to pass.   


Some parts of him were relieved, as Duck often wasted a lot of time finding ways to transport him back and forth from his apartment to the trailer. Other parts were terrified, which he qualmed a bit by deciding to leave the trailer where it was parked rather than finding a way to get rid of it. His excuse was that it was too much of a hassle in such a short time, but in reality, he needed a fallback plan in case this didn’t work out. Not that he was expecting things to go horribly, but having a safehold in place made things easier for him.

“I’m glad you’re bouncing back,” Duck said, and Indrid could tell he really meant it.

“Me too. Now, help me pack up this glassware so I can get started on boxing up all my paperwork.” Indrid moved to his desk and began sorting through papers so he could discard any he didn’t need to take with him. As he opened a few drawers he believed were empty, he came across an old, worn leather journal that he recognized immediately. He didn’t need to open it to know what was inside. As his finger traced the lines created from extensive use, he thought about the things he had written, and tried to determine if he really needed it anymore. He stood there for a long time, going back and forth in his mind about what to do with it. Part of him wanted to discard it, but he knew that he had to keep it. Indrid wished he could see far enough into the future to plan for things like he used to, but that was impossible now.

“Indrid?” He spun around to face Duck, who was standing behind him with a worried expression. “Are you alright over there? You’ve been awfully quiet.”

“Yes, I’m…” Indrid looked back at the journal in his hands and gently placed it at the bottom of a moving box. “I’m perfectly alright, just let me finish up these papers so we can move the desk into the truck and be done with it.” 

~*~

Surprising no one, Duck hadn’t cleaned his apartment for the occasion, but Indrid could still tell something was off. He could see suspicious behaviour coming in his visions from a mile away. Duck was obviously hiding something, but he couldn’t quite figure out what.   


He began observing Duck’s behavior as he moved about his apartment, looking for clues while also filing through possible futures to see what Duck could possibly be hiding from him. So far, he wasn’t getting anywhere, so he focused his attention on moving the last of his boxes out of Ned’s truck. “Have you decided on sleeping arrangements, Duck?” Indrid called out to Duck, who had opened up the box of glassware and was beginning to wash it. “I don’t want to have to move anything twice.”

Indrid heard the water shut off and the creaking of floorboards as Duck sauntered into the living room. “Well, I was thinking you could use the pullout…” He smiled, eyes scrunching up and highlighting the lines of his face. “Unless you wanted to…you know…share with me? But, uh, you don’t have to.” He ran a hand over his face nervously.   


“You know I don’t sleep as often as you do.” Indrid gently set his box on the living room table and walked over to Duck, taking his hands in his own. “But if you’re willing to leave an empty place for me in your bed, I’d be happy to keep it warm for you a few hours each night.”

Duck sighed happily. “How do you always know exactly what to say?”

“One of the benefits of future vision.” Indrid chuckled. “I, uh, know there’s something else on your mind that you aren’t sharing with me. Care to…get it off your chest?”

“Well…” Duck couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face. “Stay here, I’ll be right back.” He quickly dashed off to his bedroom, and Indrid was suddenly hit with a particularly disturbing vision.   


A small black box. Indrid’s mind could only jump to something ridiculous. There was no way Duck would be stupid enough to  _ propose _ to Indrid when they hadn’t even been together for a year. Sure, it was getting close, but Duck had always been a man of careful planning, even if Indrid could predict them all in advance. He couldn’t imagine taking such a massive leap so quickly. Besides, Indrid wasn’t entirely sure if that would be something he wanted. The idea of marriage was so foreign to him that it never crossed his mind until now. If this was happening now, then Indrid didn’t have any time to figure out the best way to explain that to Duck. Really, would he even be able to say no?

As soon as Duck returned, Indrid tried not to look completely distressed when he said, “Duck Newton, I thought I told you not to go completely overboard. This was supposed to be a completely casual event.” His palms were beginning to sweat, so he shoved his hands in the pockets of his oversized sweatpants in an effort to hide them from Duck.   


“I know, but I really wanted to do this for you, and this, uh, seemed like as good a time as any.” Duck began to rummage through his pocket, and Indrid couldn’t handle his stress levels elevating so quickly.

He reached out and grabbed Duck’s wrist with his hands, sweat still practically dripping from them. “Wait!” Duck looked up at Indrid, almost as confused as he was surprised. “Don’t you think you should…hold off? Maybe see if you even enjoy the prospect of living with me before you go making any rash decisions?”

Duck’s mouth quietly formed into a knowing “o” shape, before he smiled. “I’m, uh, flattered you think I’m… _ proposing _ to you, Indrid, but, uh, this isn’t that.”

“I…oh.” Indrid couldn’t help the relief that flooded through his body. “Well, that’s…My apologies, Duck, it seems with my future vision back, I have fallen back into the habit of getting ahead of myself.”

“That’s not always a bad thing.” Duck smiled as he finally pulled the box out of his pocket, handing it to Indrid. “Before you go off on me, I didn’t get you anything that wasn’t…practical. I promise it has an actual use for something…other than, uh…you know what? Just open it.”

Indrid carefully took the box out of his hands and gently opened the top, eager to see what was inside rather than looking ahead. He was trying to be better about living in the moment for times like this.   


Arranged in a circle were seven pairs of earrings, studs in various shades of red from a light pink to a dark burgundy. Considering Indrid’s human form didn’t have any holes for earrings, this seemed a bit odd for a gift. That didn’t mean he disliked the sentiment, he was just a bit confused. “I love it, but I’d be lying if I said I knew what the practical use of earth jewelry was.”   


“Well, I remember you saying you loved your glasses, that they were your signature look, but since we started dating, you did complain about them getting in the way of…just daily life stuff. So, I asked Aubrey and Dani for some advice, and they both thought enchanting another small piece of jewelry that wouldn’t draw too much attention would allow you to be more comfortable while still maintaining your cover if something were to happen to your glasses. You know, in case someone, uh, punches you in the face again. Aubrey also told me you liked her earrings, so…yeah ”

“I…I don’t know what to say, Duck, that’s so thoughtful of you.” If he was being honest, Indrid didn’t even remember voicing such an opinion, but if Duck remembered it, he must have thought it was important. “You do realize I’ll have to get my ears pierced first, right?”

“It’s…not as bad as it seems.” Duck rubbed the back of his neck and glanced away from Indrid’s gaze. “Trust me, I’ve got a few holes myself. I don’t really know if they still work, but I remember the place I got ‘em done. We’ll, uh, make a date out of it.”

Indrid smiled. “Sounds like a plan.” He closed the box again and put it in his pocket before taking a few steps closer to Duck. “Thank you. I really like them. How did you know that red is my favorite color?”

Duck shrugged. “Well, I just had a hunch…” He put his hands on Indrid’s hips, gently guiding them forward just enough to close the gap, and tilted his head up a bit. Indrid rolled his eyes and leaned down, capturing Duck’s lips for a brief kiss.

After pulling away for a breath, Indrid broke the silence. “We really should get back to unpacking. I see a few futures where we prolong our activities, and I have a feeling those boxes will be left unattended for a few months.”

“You can see months into the future now?”

“No,” Indrid couldn’t help but grin, “but I know enough about you to extrapolate those kinds of futures for myself.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, kudos and comments are appreciated, and I will always reply to your comments if you leave any <3


	8. viii. bad idea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Indrid makes some changes. Duck decides he needs a vacation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost there! I'll probably be posting the next chapter today as well, so be on the lookout for that. Thank you all so much for the love and support you've given me for this fic, and I hope you're all enjoying the story thus far. I've also had a few ideas for some companion pieces to this fic, but I'll talk about those more later :) 
> 
> (Also, mind the updated tags for the last few chapters)

_ i’ve got a bad idea / how ‘bout we take a little bit of time away? _

* * *

Aubrey was practically bouncing in her seat at the news. “Indrid, you’re getting your ears pierced? Dude, that’s so cool! I knew telling Duck to get you earrings was a good idea.”  


Indrid couldn’t help but smile in spite of his nerves. He tried to focus on Aubrey’s myriad of multicolored piercings that seemed to fill up every free space on her ear. “Yes, which is why I came to ask you if you have any suggestions on how to calm my nerves.”

She stopped moving, leaning forward in her chair and eyes narrowed in suspicion. “Are you…scared?”   


“Not really about what you think.” He sighed. “It’s about…Duck. You and Dani have been together for some time, so I thought maybe you would be able to help me with something that’s been bothering me.”

“You could have just opened with that.” She laughed, carefree and light, before standing up and sitting on the arm of Indrid’s chair. “What’s got you so worried? You guys seem like you’re doing great lately.”

He gently adjusted his glasses and allowed himself a shallow breath before folding his hands in his lap. “I’m certain you’re aware that Duck and I have been together for almost a year now, but we are by no means a typical couple. Now that my visions are returning, I can tell Duck is…frustrated with our current intimacy situation and certainly entertains the thought of engaging in illicit activities, so much so that he acts on these impulses in some choice futures. We’ve far surpassed the standard ‘three date’ marker to begin doing something that could drastically change the nature of our relationship. My worry has only increased these past few weeks, and even more so with being alone on vacation for more than twenty-four hours. I don’t quite understand the importance or the need for it, other than the physical pleasantness, so I’m not really sure what to do if he decides to act on it.”

Aubrey blinked furiously, like something in her brain wasn’t quite connecting, and she shook her head in disbelief. “Hold on.” She held up her hands and frantically waved them back and forth. “Are you trying to tell me that in the almost nine months you two have been together now, you haven’t had sex  _ ever? _ Not to mention you two are  _ moving in together? _ For someone who can see into the future, Indrid, you really didn’t think this one through.”

“Well, I never considered it important before now, which is precisely why I’m seeking advice from you, Aubrey.” Indrid remembered the first time he asked Duck to stay, and he remembered cutting things off between them before they went too far. Ever since then, Indrid had noticed Duck’s lingering glances and longer showers, which probed him to look into more futures. He wasn’t sure if that was an invasion of privacy or not, which was why he could never confront Duck about this himself. “Asking anyone else produced catastrophic results.”

She sighed and rested her chin in her hand, drumming her fingers against her cheek. “Well, if you’re so worried about being alone with him, why don’t you take some of us with you? I’m sure it’s not too late to add another room to your travel booking, right? I’ll just tell Ned, Dani, and maybe even Mama that we’re all due for a vacation, and we’ll just tag along on your trip.”

Indrid couldn’t help but perk up at the suggestion. “As long as I deny any involvement, Duck won’t have any idea, and it will remain a perfect coincidence. If he has anything dubious planned, this will certainly put a wrench in it.” He offered Aubrey a smile. “Many thanks for your help. I’ll find some way to repay you suitably in the future.”

“No need, Indrid, I’m just glad I could help!” Aubrey hopped off the armrest with a grin and began walking towards her room before pausing and turning back to look at Indrid. “You know this is only a temporary solution, right? You’ll have to talk to him about this at some point.”

“Trust me, I’m well aware. I don’t like making the same mistake twice.”

~*~

How did he manage to get himself in this mess?

Driving in a car alone with Duck was one thing, but being squished in the backseat with several other members of the Pine Guard was  _ far _ worse. His side was uncomfortably contorted to fit against Duck, who looked as uncomfortable as Indrid felt. Aubrey took up the other side, but she was gratefully leaning into Dani and pressing her up against the window. Curse Ned and his need to drive everyone everywhere, and curse Barclay for calling dibs on the front seat.

The heat didn’t make things much better. Ned’s old car couldn’t keep up with having so many people to cool off all at once, so the backseat reeked of evaporating sweat. Indrid seemed to count his blessings as he managed to comfortably settle in to the heat, while the other passengers didn’t share that sentiment.  


Indrid turned to glance at Duck, whose exasperation seemed to be giving way to exhaustion as he lazily stared out the window. Trees seemed to fly by on either side of the highway as Ned continued to drive out of town. Duck’s eyes flitted to Indrid, almost as if he could sense his gaze, and managed to smile. Relief came in waves, dulling the noise in his head for the rest of the gruelling trip as his stomach tried to follow suit. His nerves weren’t as easily quelled.

It felt like hours before Ned pulled up to the hotel, finally parking to let everyone pile out of the car and rush inside, the AC a welcome refuge from the humid air beginning to acclimate. As soon as Duck and Ned checked in, the Pine Guard forced themselves into an elevator, tripping over themselves when it opened and happily depositing all of their stuff in their rooms.

Indrid saw Ned toss his keys to Duck with a warning about scratching the new paint job before he joined Barclay in the refuge of their room. Each step Duck took closer to Indrid aligned with the thrumming of his heart in his ears. It was rare that Indrid ever got to see Duck outside of his forest ranger uniform, and it sometimes felt like he slept in it more often than he should have. Still, nothing would have prepared him for a day out with Duck in  _ casual wear _ . Indrid was practically floating, and it was taking more effort than usual to pull him back down.

“Sorry, I wasn’t really expecting this to turn into a Pine Guard vacation. I was hoping we would have more time to ourselves.” Duck scratched the back of his neck with an awkward grin that spoke more than his words did.  


_ That’s what I was afraid of.  _ Indrid wanted to say, but instead shrugged and replied with, “Well, we’re alone now, about to do what we really came here for.”

“Ah, yeah…are you, uh, nervous at all?”

“Surprisingly no. I’ve been running some tests, and I’m not really sure if my human form is so complex that I would feel pain in my earlobes.”

~*~

Sitting in the chair and staring at the needle for several excruciating minutes, Indrid decided, was much worse than actually getting the piercing done. It was over in an instant, quick and painless, save for Duck squeezing the life out of his cold hands.  


The drive back was more comfortable in the front seat, and Indrid found himself twisting the strange jewelry in between his thumb and pointer finger while gazing at himself in the tiny mirror. He was anxious to get back to the hotel so he could really see what they looked like without crimson-colored lenses.

Duck remained silent for most of the trip, but spoke up long enough to gently shove Indrid’s shoulder playfully while keeping one hand on the steering wheel. “If you keep messing with it when your hands are dirty, it’ll get infected.”

“And you know from experience?”

“Gee, how’d you guess?”

“You talk about it in many different futures, including this one. I’d love to hear about your piercing shop tales, if you don’t mind telling them that is.” Indrid finally let his ears go and crossed his arms over his chest in an act of self restraint as Duck began to drone on about the many piercings he’s had back in his high school days. Somewhere along the long, winding road, Duck’s right hand found a place resting on Indrid’s thigh, and Indrid realized he could get used to nights like this.

Once they made it back to the hotel room, Indrid scurried over to the bathroom and shut himself inside. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and took a few steps towards the bathroom mirror. Refusing to rely on his sight just yet, he kept his eyes firmly shut as he reached up to his ears and took his circle lenses completely off his face. He waited for the inevitable transformation…

…but it never came. Instead, Indrid opened his eyes and air escaped his lips in a quiet sigh. It was like he was seeing his human form for the first time, but still different. Auburn eyes were wide with surprise, sunken in his pale skin from years of sleepless nights or early mornings. Without any forethought, his mind flitted back to months ago when he decided to hide out in Duck’s bathroom, and his mind reeled when he thought about how much had changed since then. Indrid ran a hand through his hair, pulling it away from his forehead to inspect his face even closer as he leaned towards the glass.  


Somehow, as his eyes scanned over his sharp edges and lithe frame, his mind no longer saw a monster. How could he, when this form hardly looked strong enough to lift a brick? For a moment, Indrid could pretend he wasn’t The Mothman who had been the cause of human casualties in times past. Right now, in this tiny hotel bathroom, Indrid was just…well, Indrid. Now that his mind was racing, Indrid realized this was the best he had felt in, well, he couldn’t remember how long. He was free from something he didn’t know was tethering him down. Perhaps he could let his guard down enough to really let people in, like he had wanted to do months ago.

Still, the offensive red lenses stared up at him from the bathroom counter, bright lights reflecting on the frame and reminding Indrid that he had a brand to maintain. Of course. How could he have been so stupid? These glasses, like his Sylvan form, would always be a part of him, no matter what he did to disguise himself. He was trapped in a lie. A lie that painted him as something he could never be: irreparably, inexplicably, and undeniably  _ human _ .   


Duck could never come to love a monster like that. Sweet, good, and beautiful as he is, Duck deserves a prince, and not a horrifying creature like him.

Putting his glasses back on his face, Indrid stared himself down in the mirror as red filled his vision again. This was comfortable. This was safe. As long as he maintained this façade, he wouldn’t hurt anyone else ever again.

He quietly turned the knob and exited the bathroom. “Well, I’m happy to announce that the jewelry serves its purpose. I’ve taken quite a liking to it.” As Indrid made his way towards his bed, he noticed that Duck was staring at him suspiciously. He saw several different futures where it would serve him better to leave well enough alone, but Indrid was curious as to the true nature of the gaze Duck had locked on him. “Is everything alright? You don’t usually tend to space out like I do.”

“Oh, I just…I thought you weren’t going to be wearing your glasses.” His eyes darted away for a second before returning to Indrid. He stood up from the bed and slowly walked over to Indrid, bringing his hands up to gently graze the sides of the frames. “May I?” He asked, and Indrid let out a shaky breath.

“I suppose a quick look wouldn’t hurt.” He tried to joke a bit, but his nerves were a bit twisted. Nothing in the future indicated any mal intent, but Duck never usually had any of that to begin with. Instead, Indrid instinctively closed his eyes as he felt the glasses leave his face, opening them only when he was sure the transformation hadn’t happened.

When his eyes fluttered open, Duck’s stare had only intensified, now accompanied by his lips slightly parted in awe. The attention was too much for Indrid to handle, so he turned his head to the side and held up his hands defensively while trying not to grit his teeth.

Rather than relent, Duck gently grabbed Indrid’s wrists and murmured, “What do you have to be embarrassed about?” He pulled Indrid closer, their hips bumping against each other with enough force to divert Indrid’s attention back to Duck. “You, Indrid…holy shit, you’re… _ beautiful _ .”

A nervous chuckle escaped from Indrid’s lips, and his shoulders hunched over in response. “You  _ know _ flattery doesn’t get you anywhere with me, Duck Newton.”

“Who said I was trying to flatter you? I just, uh, only know how to speak the truth.” He tilted his head to press his lips against Indrid’s, who hummed gratefully in response. Duck moved his hands up Indrid’s arms and back down his torso, stopping to rest on his hips. His thumbs slipped into the waistband of Indrid’s pants to rub gentle circles on the smooth skin there, and Indrid couldn’t help but shiver. He could see where this was going, and he needed to find a way to hold off for as long as he could so he could get his questions answered and his apprehensions quelled. He still didn’t understand, but now really wasn’t the best time to address it.

It took a few more kisses before Indrid was able to find the breath to speak. “I know what you’re trying to do, and I’d like to remind you of our neighbors in the rooms next door.”  


Duck kissed him again, using his hands to gently push Indrid against the nearest wall. “I had a feeling you would say that, which is why I asked Ned to usher everyone to the pool. They won’t be leaving for a while, so we can actually have the alone time I promised. I, uh, even turned up the heater for you.”

“Yes, well, I wish you would have informed me ahead of time that you were planning something this elaborate.” He shuddered out a breath as Duck’s breath tickled his now sensitive earlobes.

“I assumed you would have seen it.”

“Well, I was…preoccupied.” Indrid draped his arms over Duck’s shoulders and gazed into deep brown eyes with a pointed expression. “Let me reiterate. I know what you’re trying to do, and I know you’ve been trying to do it for weeks now. Luckily I know exactly when to stop you so you don’t take it too far and end up doing something you regret. You’re welcome for that, by the way.”

Indrid felt lips trailing across his jaw and he closed his eyes with a contented sigh. He wanted this, but he needed to be sure he knew what he was getting into. If Indrid let Duck continue with what he had planned, there was no way for Indrid to know if he would regret it until it was too late. Not to mention the only thing holding Duck back before was likely the fear of Indrid transforming into a horrifying creature of the night. No human being would logically ever want to have intercourse with a moth, except maybe people who were particularly strange. Perhaps Duck was into that sort of thing. Indrid didn’t really want to ask right now. He’d save  _ that _ conversation for a different day.

Instead, Indrid slid his hands over Duck’s chest and gently pushed him away enough for Indrid to look into his eyes. “Are you scared? Of this, I mean?” Duck’s hair fell softly over his forehead and into his eyes as he tilted his head with worry and concern.  


“ _ Terrified, _ ” Indrid breathed, “but that’s to be expected. I’ve never done this before, and I don’t really understand what purpose it serves.”

“With…anyone?”

“No, just not with humans.”

“Ah, well, is it, uh…really that different?”

“Oh, not by much, except for the fact that I was a giant moth.”

Duck chuckled. “Well, do you want this? ‘Cause I don’t wanna do anything you’re not completely okay with.”

“As long as you don’t mind my inexperience,” he tried to be as lighthearted as possible, but he knew Duck was being completely serious. This was it. Everything would change after this. Aubrey was right when she said they needed to talk about this, but perhaps Indrid could postpone that for another time. Besides, what was there to be so apprehensive about if he had never tried it with a human? He wouldn’t  _ really _ know if he didn’t want to until it happened.

“That’s not what I asked.” Duck’s tone changed to match his furrowed brow. “You don’t seem like you’re on board with this.”

As usual, Duck could see right through him. “That’s not…it’s not really what you think. I just, well, if we really do this, everything will change for us. I feel like I’m entitled to at least an understanding of what exactly is going to happen between us now.”

“You don’t want anything to change? Shit, Indrid, so much has changed in just this past month, and you…you’ve been so great at tackling that shit head on. I may be pushing this more than I should, but I feel terrible that I can’t give this part of me to you. It’s not really about the sexーwell, hold on, let me take that backーYeah, that’s a thing I enjoy because, hell, I’m a dude, I have urges, but I really just want you to feel good. Maybe that’s stupid, but I don’t care how dumb it makes me sound, I just want you to be happy, and this is really the only thing left I want to give you but haven’t yet. It’s just another way for me to feel closer to you, but it’s really not necessary for relationships. Like I said, it’s just…something I think we could enjoy together.”

“I…Duck, why didn’t you say that sooner, I thought…well, this certainly changes my perspective on things.” Indrid instinctively reached up for his safety net, only to be bet with the skin of his cheek, then remembering that his glasses were now sitting on the bedside table a few feet away. “You’ve never led me astray with the intention of hurting me, and you must know I trust you wholeheartedly.” With a small chuckle, Indrid moved his hands to rest on the gentle slope where Duck’s neck met his broad shoulders, fingers gently twisting the ends of his messy hair. “I’ll let you set the pace then. I can see many possible ways that this could go, but my inexperience would not lend well to taking the lead. The idea of us being even  _ more _ intimate is…” Indrid sighed, “…really nice.”   


With a grin that could only be described as ‘giddy’, Duck bumped his forehead against Indrid’s and spoke so close that his lips purposefully brushed against Indrid’s with every word. “So, I take it that’s a yes? ‘Cause you know I won’t do anything until you confidently agree to it.”

“Yes, absolutely,” Indrid breathed before he tilted his head and closed the gap between their lips. 

~*~

The best part of sex, Indrid decided, was the refractory period.

His body was more exhausted than it had ever been, muscles now useless from an hour of continuous activity, but the sheets encompassing him were a welcome change from the sensation of sticky skin. Surprising not even himself, his powers were now in disarray after being exposed to so much stimulus at once, but something about the afterglow made Indrid forget about the guilt in letting go. Every sense seemed to be dulled to a low murmur, and for once in his life, the voices in his head left him alone. This feeling was so addicting, and Indrid wondered why he hadn’t learned about this sooner.

Duck’s sturdy presence made it even better, with his burly arms wrapped around Indrid’s tall frame, thumbs massaging into the soft skin on his exposed midsection, and lips pressed to the back of Indrid’s neck. Warmth radiated from his skin onto Indrid’s back, enough for his cool skin to regain a bit of heat. Sunlight filtered in from the curtains, bright enough to illuminate the room, yet not harsh enough to noticeably bring up the temperature.

Neither of them had spoken to each other for a few minutes, instead choosing to revel in the comfortable silence that had overtaken them as a result of their collective exhaustion. Indrid could get used to feeling this relaxed.  


Nothing good can last forever though, and eventually a loud knock rang out throughout the room. Unfortunately, Indrid had only seen it a few seconds in advance, which didn’t give him enough time to warn Duck about the intrusive noise.

_ “Duck? Indrid? We’re all going downstairs to get dinner. Do y’all want anything or are you too busy getting laid to come down for dinner?” _

Duck didn’t even flinch when he shouted, “Fuck off, Ned.” His voice was deep and cracked, and Indrid chuckled in spite of himself.

_ “Jesus, okay fine. Get room service then and see if I care. Assholes.” _ Footsteps from the other side of the door grew faint as Ned shuffled away.

With the spell broken, Indrid managed to break free of Duck’s grasp just enough to roll over and face him. His eyes were still closed, dark brown hair backlit by the window’s light. The tanned skin of his hands and arms gradually faded to a lighter shade as Indrid’s eyes traced the lines of his body. Slowly, his eyes fluttered open, and he smiled at Indrid with a dopey grin and fluttering eyelashes.  


“Hey there, handsome.” His voice was a low rumble in his chest, and Indrid felt his stomach drop with a giddy twist at the pleasant sound.

“I could get used to this.” Indrid said absentmindedly, earning a deep chuckle from Duck.

“Me too.” He shifted up to rest on his elbow, never once taking his eyes off Indrid. Normally, the attention made him shy away, but now, his brain was too scrambled to care less. “You seem happy.”

“Of course.” Indrid mirrored Duck’s movements, taking the opportunity to chase the heat of Duck’s skin. “I was…worried that this would be a bad idea, but clearly I miscalculated.” Smiling wide, he leaned forward to catch Duck in a languid kiss. “I feel…somehow closer to you now than I did before. It’s…nice.”

Duck snorted in lieu of a full belly laugh. “I sure hope you’d feel closer to me after I put your dick in my mouth.”

“Don’t be crude, Duck Newton.” Indrid pushed Duck away in mock disgust, but Duck simply came back and kissed him harder than before. “You know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I do.” He bumped their noses together with a soft sigh. “Thank you, for opening up to me like that. I know it’s, uh, hard for you to trust people, but I’m glad you trust me.”

“Well, there’s nothing to mistrust about you. You should be grateful for that.” After one more quick kiss, Indrid sat up fully and stretched his arms in the air, much to the dismay of his sore muscles. “Now, I remember Ned said something about room service. If we order in the next few minutes, we’ll slow down their service downstairs by a good ten minutes, and we’ll likely get our food before they do.”

Duck smiled with a wicked grin. “Now you’re talking.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, kudos and comments are appreciated, and I will always reply to your comments if you leave any <3


	9. ix. ghostin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Indrid struggles with night terrors. Duck tries to make it better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update! Again, make sure you check the tags since I just updated them for these last chapters. 
> 
> WARNING: There is a graphic depiction of a nightmare, which includes scenes of emotional distress, reanimated corpses, disembodied voices, drowning, blood, and violence. If you wish to skip these scenes, the entire dream sequence is in italics, so you can easily determine where it starts and ends. There is also discussion about these dreams, but they are not graphic in nature.

_ i try to hold it in at night / while you’re sleeping next to me _

* * *

The worst thing about night terrors is that you can never remember them the next morning.

So you forget, living your life in blissful ignorance until the next one comes without warning. Sleepless nights, with empty promises to be on guard. When you’ve been alone for so long, no one can hear you scream. It’s better that way.

Indrid doesn’t like having such horrendous gaps in his memory, so he keeps a running documentation of when they plague his attempts at sleep. Sometimes, they come several nights in a row, filling his head with images of his past failures and insecurities and ensuring a restful sleep would never come. He should have gone to see a specialist, but there were no professionals who dealt with his kind.  


Perhaps it was a side effect of his work as a court seer. Maybe, just maybe, his power had taken a toll on his mental state, and it deteriorated over time. Just theories, but Indrid believed they held merit. It became an obsessive side project when he first came to earth, but his mind was scrambling the difference between futures that had come to pass and futures he had helped to prevent.  


When your mind holds everything inside, the night terrors are inconsistent fabrications of several different realities stitched together. The complex interface of Indrid’s brain made every night torture, whether his dreams became nightmares or not was a constant gamble, so Indrid avoided sleep like the plague. Really, it made it worse, but Indrid is used to the constant torment. Could he be called a masochist if he thought he deserved the pain but still didn’t enjoy it?

Moving in with Duck had made him forget about his messed up mind completely, his focus solely on how he could accustom himself to living in a space with another living being. It took up most of his mental energy, and his body often ached with exhaustion when he’d done nothing but lie around all day while Duck was at work. He really should get a hobby. Or a job. Or  _ something _ to occupy his time.

His wish was granted when he had his first terror after months of reprieve.

_ The dream was simple. Indrid was in the woods, alone and at peace. There was a slight chill in the air, but it didn’t bother him in the slightest if his wardrobe was any indication. The sun was beginning to set, bright hues of yellow and orange fading into a dark blue sky, barely visible through the dark trees. He was barefoot, listening to the crunch of dirt beneath his feet, the only noise for miles. _

_ After walking for what seemed like hours, Indrid found himself in a clearing with a fast current river running through it. A wooden bridge arched perfectly across it, stable in foundation, and appeared to be the only way across. With no hesitation, Indrid walked towards it, making it halfway across the bridge before it began to shake beneath him. _

_ Indrid quickly gripped the railing as the shaking began to increase in magnitude. He squeezed his eyes shut as he sank to his knees, silently praying for the vibrations to stop. _

_ And they did. With relief, Indrid opened his eyes, only to discover he was no longer in the woods alone. He was gazing through grey metal bars into a body of rushing water about 50 feet beneath him. Heart sinking, Indrid swallowed hard and turned his head to face what he knew was there. What he knew he didn’t want to remember. What he knew he could never forget. _

_ Standing before him was a mob of exactly 48 people, full of humans varying in shape, size, and color. Women holding infants. Men supporting elderly. Children huddled together in fear of what stood before them.  
_

_ “Welcome to Point Pleasant, Indrid Cold.” The mob spoke all at once, voices joined in a horrifying monotone symphony that filled his ears. “Do you remember me?” _

_ A young girl stepped forward, wordlessly escaping the clutches of a woman who made no move to stop her. She didn’t stop walking until she was standing right in front of Indrid’s slumped form. His gaze flitted up to her eyes, which were cold and lifeless as the slowly rolled down to meet him. Indrid didn’t realize his breath was laboured until now. _

_ “You killed me, remember?” They all spoke again, and Indrid scrambled to his feet, every move he made followed by the girl’s eyes rolling around with no movement behind them. “You let that bridge fall. You saw it happen and did nothing to help.”  
_

_ “No…” Indrid backed away as far as he could, back hitting the metal framing that had suddenly began to shake with every step he took, making it increasingly difficult to maintain what little balance he had left. “No, that’s not true. I tried to warn people, but…but everyone thought I was crazy!” _

_ The hive mind began to move as a collective now, walking towards Indrid in perfectly synchronized monotony. With each step, their bodies began to show signs of decay, skin fading from lively color to putrefying shades of green. Blisters began to emerge on the skin surface, and many started losing their hands and feet, collapsing to the ground as they tried to crawl with the strength they had left. Some even began to bloat, movement slowed by the absorption of water into their skin. _

_ “The only escape for you is death, Indrid Cold. There is nowhere for you on this earth.” A few of the mob members grabbed onto Indrid and began to pull at his clothes, but their pruned skin and lack of fingernails made finding traction difficult. “Join us.” They began to chant as Indrid tried to fight them off. “Join us.” He managed to jump onto the railing, holding on for dear life as the mob began to reach out to him. If he jumped, he would die. If he stayed, he would die.  
_

_ “ _ Join us. _ ” They hissed, so Indrid complied, allowing his feet to give out underneath him as he began to plummet towards his death. _

_ Except the fall didn’t kill him. He crashed into the water, the force of his weight somehow forcing him underneath the waves. His arms and legs thrashed in an effort to tread water, but everything he did caused him to sink farther. Eyes burning and lungs aching from lack of air, Indrid knew he was going to drown. Death was inevitable, and the only way he could possibly be free from the guilt. _

_ Indrid decided to open his mouth, releasing his breath, body instinctively aching to inhale again, instead filling his lungs with water. Somehow, the new weight in his chest was a comfort, and he found the sinking to be relaxing as his eyes flitted closed. _

_ When they opened again, Indrid was lying in a puddle of something wet, surrounded on all sides by an inky blackness that extended for miles. He moved his hand closer to his face to inspect it and found it covered in sticky red liquid. With a shout, he sat up and jumped to his feet, taking note that he was standing in blood and he was wearing it like a brand all over his clothes and skin. _

_ The voices that had been haunting him before were no longer present, but Indrid’s breathing was still loud and laborious, chest burning from the water that had filled it moments ago. After a few moments, the silence was broken by a familiar voice. _

_ “I’m sorry, Indrid, but I can’t let you stay here. You understand, don’t you? What, with what happened at Silver Bridge. They’re a bit scared and just need space is all.” _

Madeline.  _ Indrid turned to find the source of the voice, but was only met with darkness. Surely he was going crazy now, hearing things that weren’t there. He needed to escape, but he couldn’t see a thing. Her voice continued to repeat the same phrase over and over again until another voice began to speak. _

_ “Indrid’s moth form…it doesn’t freak you out at all?” _

Ned.  _ Indrid jogged in the direction of the voice, but to no avail. Ned’s voice repeated in the same way Madeline’s did, now intermingling with each other and growing in volume until another voice called out over the noise. _

_ “You know this is only a temporary solution, right? You’ll have to talk to him about this at some point.” _

Aubrey.  _ He knew what was coming next, if he could predict the path his mind was taking to get there. Sprinting towards the voice, his feet slipped out from underneath him and he came tumbling into the blood pooled on the floor. With three voices all fighting for dominance in his head, he covered his ears with his hands and squeezed his eyes shut. Maybe, if he did this for long enough, it would all go away, and he could wake up from this egregious nightmare. _

_ Then, the voice he didn’t want to hear spoke out over the rest, forcing Indrid to pay attention. _

_ “Alright, Indrid. I love you.” _

Duck.  _ Of course, the torture couldn’t stop before it hit every nerve Indrid had grown to have. Each phrase continued to repeat itself over and over and over until Indrid screamed, eyes burning from the tears trapped behind it and mouth dry from fear. His head ached with pain he had never known before, and he just wanted all of this to be over. The voices continued at a dull roar until Indrid heard Duck speak again. _

_ “Why didn’t you say it back, Indrid?” Indrid gasped and looked up from his spot on the floor to see Duck standing before him in the darkness, dressed in his work clothes, including his hat and sword-belt. His voice was brimming with trapped emotion, and his expression was pained. “Don’t you love me?” _

_ “I…I…” Indrid scrambled backwards to create distance, but Duck just filled it again by taking steps forward to compensate. _

_ “Say it, Indrid.” _

_ “D-Duck, please stop, I…I can’t…” _

_ “Why don’t you love me?” _

_ Tears were spilling silently from his eyes now, and Indrid tried to furiously wipe them away, but instead ended up with fresh blood caked on his face. “Stop it…stop it, stop it, stop it!” _

_ Duck lifted his foot and kicked Indrid in the chest, sending the smaller man flying backwards with incredible force as his back splashed against the floor. No, this couldn’t be right. Duck promised he would never hurt Indrid. Now, he was sure he had a few broken ribs, and he tried to assess the damage as Duck climbed on top of him. Indrid grunted from the pressure on his chest, and he swiped a hand at his assailant, who grabbed it and slammed it against the ground with ease. _

_ His face had maintained a stone cold expression, but now his eyes grew dark as he spoke. “ _ Say it _ , Indrid. Why won’t you say it? Tell me, or I’ll lose my fucking mind.” _

_ “Get  _ off _ me, please!” Indrid took his other hand and planted firmly on the side of Duck’s face. “Please, darling, you’re going to kill me. It hurts.” _

_ Duck swatted Indrid’s hand away and wrapped a larger hand over Indrid’s windpipe. “Don’t call me darling, Indrid, when you can’t even say the one thing you know I need to hear.” As the last syllable left his lips, Duck’s hand began to squeeze, and Indrid felt his windpipe crushing underneath the tight grip. His only free arm tried to alleviate some of the pressure, but it was no use. Everything hurt so much, so he might as well let this be the end of it.  
_

_ Somehow, his body refused to give up, and Indrid went down kicking and wheezing. _

Until he woke up.

Indrid sat up in bed with a start, chest heaving as he audibly gasped for air for the first time in what felt like an eternity. His hand gripped his sleep shirt and bunched it up in his hand, creating a dark stain of sweat in the fabric. It took a moment to get his bearings, but eventually, he saw Duck sitting on the bed in front of him, covered in some red marks and looking visibly shaken. For lack of a better explanation, Duck looked like Indrid felt, but his warm presence was welcome in place of the terrifying version from his dream.  


“I-Indrid?” Duck whispered, almost like he was too afraid to bring his volume up any louder. “Are you okay? What the hell just happened?”

Indrid crawled over to Duck and placed a gentle hand to his cheek, where a hand-shaped red mark was sprawled out against his tan skin. “Did I…” Indrid swallowed, his throat feeling like someone duped a whole bag of gravel in his mouth and forced him to swallow. His voice was hoarse, but he had no idea why. “Did I hurt you?”

“W-what? No, no, of course not. I mean, you did hit me several times, pushed me out of the bed at least twice, and screamed bloody murder, but none of that physically hurt me, really.” Duck put his hand over Indrid’s and sighed. “What the hell happened to you?” Rather than responding, Indrid surged forward and fiercely wrapped his arms around Duck, allowing himself the comfort of sinking into the embrace. It wasn’t until he felt strong arms encircle his frame that Indrid felt how much he was trembling. This was what he was afraid of. This is why he kept up walls to not let anyone in. Now, he was responsible for hurting the one person he cared about most in the world, which is exactly what he never wanted to do. “Hey…” Duck whispered. “Hey, it’s okay, Indrid, it’s fine.”

“ _ No, _ Duck, it’s not.” Indrid felt the tears stinging the back of his eyelids, and his head began to ache from holding them in for so long. “It’s not, it’s not, it’s not.”

“Shh, Indrid, really, I’m okay. I’m here for you. Just tell me what you need me to do. I’ve, uh, never really experienced anything like…this before.”

He took a deep breath and exhaled with shaky resolve. “Some tea, perhaps. I need something to help me get back to sleep. I would be more help, but my head is…scrambled, for lack of a better word.”

Duck reluctantly released Indrid from his embrace and silently padded into the kitchen to begin boiling some water. It took a few moments for Indrid to find the strength in his legs to stand, and he wrapped a blanket around himself as he walked into the living room to find his desk. He had to find the paperwork and fill in the blanks. If what Duck was saying was true, then Indrid could finally fill in the blanks in his research.

After rummaging through his desk for a few minutes, he pulled out a worn leather notebook and began flipping through it. After searching for a pen, he flipped to the next open page and began writing.

_ Three months since the last terror. First time experiencing it in the presence of another person. Perhaps now I can get a clearer grasp on what it’s like on the outside. _

He rubbed his eyes and continued to write on another line.

_ Silver Bridge seems to be a common theme. The number forty-eight also was prevalent, but this is not the first dream with ideas like that. This was the first time my brain supplied me with the faces of the victims of that tragic accident. If it really could be called that. I still blame myself, of course, and that is certInly reflected in my dreams. _

_ I’ve never had a two part terror dream as far as I can remember (or rather, as far as this self-research dates back). There was darkness and blood. So much blood that I probably could have swam in it. Madeline, Ned, and Aubrey spoke to me in disembodied voices. So did Duck. Except, he was there, demanding things from me and attacking me. I woke up before I could determine if he had killed me in the dream or not. Perhaps I’ll be better off not knowing.  _   


Duck returned from the kitchen, steaming mug of tea in hand. He set it down on the coffee table and made his way to Indrid. “You’re up,” he said with surprise, placing a gentle hand on Indrid’s shoulder. “I, uh, got you the tea you asked for. I was gonna put on Sleepytime, but I figured you’d probably prefer the Eggnog flavor anyway. Oh, andー”

“ーit’s decaf. Thank you, Duck. Really, I appreciate this more than you could possibly comprehend.” Indrid picked up his journal from his desk and walked with Duck to sit on their couch. “This may be difficult, but I need you to do me a favor. This is the first time…I’ve been around another person when this has happened, so I need you to tell me exactly what happened from your perspective. It would help me immensely.”

“You mean…this has been happening for a while?” Indrid nodded and Duck suddenly looked dejected. “Why…why didn’t you, uh, you know, say anything sooner?”

“The thing with night terrors, Duck,” Indrid began, “is that I don’t remember that they happened as soon as I go back to sleep again. I’ll remember some parts of the dream, but I won’t remember the terror long enough to speak to anyone about it. That’s why I started keeping a journal,” he held it up for emphasis, “but it’s been difficult when I can’t monitor my own physical state outside of my dream.”

“Oh,” Duck ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “Well, I slept pretty soundly until you kicked me out of the bed. It didn’t hurt, but it was pretty forceful, so I was, uh, pretty worried. I tried talking to you, but you didn’t answer. I remember you distinctly saying ‘No’ while you were tossing and turning. Then, it was weird, you were holding your breath. I started to panic, so I started shaking you to wake you up. Nothing I did worked. As soon as you started coughing, I ran to get some water because I thought you were waking up, but then…it, uh…it got worse.”  


Indrid looked up from his notetaking with a start. “What do you mean it got…worse?”  


“You started screaming…you started screaming at  _ me. _ You said…’Duck, please stop, I can’t’, a-and you were thrashing around, so I tried to hold you down, uh, gently, in case you accidentally hurt yourself, but then you kept screaming ‘Stop it’, so I let go. I was panicking, too, and then you started wheezing, like something was crushing your windpipe. But I…you distinctly said…” Duck turned away, refusing to meet Indrid’s wide gaze as his voice cracked. “Uh, you said ‘Get off me, please. Please, darling, you’re going to kill me. It hurts.’”

“No…” Indrid scribbled down the last of his notes before tossing the notebook aside and reaching out towards Duck’s face, forcing them to lock eyes as he rubbed his fingers over the now damp skin. He was crying, and Indrid felt his heart sink. “No, that wasn’t you. The  _ real _ you, I mean. It may have been your face, but I know you would never hurt me like that.”

“B-but, Indrid, your subconscious must think that…at least in some capacity. Otherwise it…it wouldn’t have even appeared in your dream to begin with.” Duck didn’t stop his tears like indrid did, instead letting them fall down his face in streaks. “I was so scared. I thought you were going to die. You wouldn’t stop, no matter what I did, and I couldn’t stop thinking that I could have killed you. The last thing you would have seen was  _ me, _ suffocating you to death.”

This was all his fault. Indrid couldn’t help but blame himself for Duck feeling this way. If only he had figured out a solution for this himself. If only he had worked up enough courage to reach out to someone and get help. If only he had shut the door in Duck’s face when he came over to his trailer nine months ago. The heartbreak over a measly little crush was nothing in comparison to watching someone you love suffer because of something you caused. Guilt crushed Indrid like a pile of bricks and he wished he could take all of Duck’s pain away.

“Maybe I should…see if I can stay somewhere else, just until I can figure this out. Or perhaps I should just take the couch?” He tried to supply Duck with some escape from this madness, but Duck merely shook his head.

“No…” he sniffed. “No, I…I want to protect you. I want to help you. You can’t suffer alone. I won’t let you do that.”

Indrid sighed. “Okay, then. Why don’t we take a trip to the library, then? See if maybe we can do some reading on the subject and…educate ourselves on how to properly deal with this again.”

“Or maybe help you reduce it, if that’s, uh, even possible.” Duck smiled. “Drink your tea and then we’ll get some rest. Lucky for me, I’m off tomorrow, so we can both sleep in and get some well deserved shut-eye.” He chuckled. “I’ll make you breakfast, if, uh, if you want me to, that is.”

“I’d love that.” Indrid moved away from Duck to pick up his tea, which was still warm enough to calm his nerves, but not too hot to drink. He scooted closer to Duck, nestling up against his side and resting his head on Duck’s shoulder. “Hey, Duck?”

“Hm?”

“I…I…” Indrid tried to say the words he knew Duck wanted to hear, but for some reason, they wouldn’t come. Instead, he opted for something more manageable. “I…appreciate everything you’ve done for me. Truly, I can never thank you enough.”

“Well, you can keep calling me ‘darling’ for starters.” He chuckled again, and Indrid was happy to hear it. “I, uh, I really liked the sound of that, even though you were, you know, having difficulty breathing.”  
“Well then,  _ darling _ ,” Indrid teased, “I guess I’ll just have to make a habit out of that, won’t I?” It made Duck laugh, but Indrid’s heart sank when he realized Duck’s smile didn’t meet his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, kudos and comments are appreciated, and I will always reply to your comments if you leave any <3


	10. x. in my head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Indrid shows his true colors. Duck makes an unexpected decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy smokes, that took way longer than anticipated, but it's finally complete! Thank you so much to all of you who have been reading and leaving comments on every chapter! I honestly don't know what I would have done without you. This is probably the ending I have struggled the most to write with any fic, and a lot of the things hit really close to home for me. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it :) now, all that's left is to wait for the last episode of TAZ Amnesty :(

_ painted a picture; i thought i drew you well / i had a vision, seeing what isn’t there _

* * *

A few weeks passed, and the pain didn’t go away.

Indrid found himself haunted by the weight of Duck’s words, replaying them over and over again in his mind. No matter what he did, nothing changed. He still blamed himself entirely for Duck’s mentality about the whole debacle, and he truly believed that being as intimate as they were changed the game entirely. It would be different if it were anyone else. But it wasn’t. It was Duck, the only person that Indrid had ever come close to loving. Those words were strong and terrifying, locked away so they could never see the light of day. Now, Indrid wanted to say it, but he couldn’t bring himself to make that desire a reality.

Some days were harder than others. Duck’s mood took a heavy hit after that night, and he would often come home from work too exhausted to do anything more than eat leftovers from the fridge and then retire to his room. Most nights, Indrid didn’t join him, instead choosing to stay up and sketch to prepare himself for the coming abomination, which he knew would put a strain on them like it always did.

As soon as it swept into Kepler, Indrid could tell they were getting meaner, harder, faster, more deadly with every passing encounter. He feared for the Pine Guard’s life any time they tried to tackle it. Sometimes, Duck didn’t even come home, and Indrid had to call Amnesty Lodge to make sure he was there after being beside himself with worry for hours on end. Duck never answered the phone. It was usually Barclay, but sometimes it was Madeline or Dani, who were always as reassuring as they could be.

One particular night, Indrid was sitting at his desk, tapping his fingers when something particularly disturbing crossed his mind. Not a vision, thankfully, but rather an observation that left him shaken to his core.   


Perhaps he had only entered this relationship from an idealized perspective. No partnership could ever be successful without both parties being open and honest with each other, but Indrid began to wonder if something else was wrong. He started thinking about Ducks recent behaviors, things that made Indrid a bit suspicious. Of course, the more recent changes had been apparent, but perhaps this relationship had been more taxing than Duck would have cared to admit. Maybe, Indrid was slowly destroying Duck, draining him of all happiness and joy until he was nothing but an empty shell.

He tried to push the thought away, dismissing it as nothing but an unreasonable assumption, but instead his mind began supplying him with memories that suited this disturbing hypothesis. First, there was the break that Indrid had insisted they take, despite Duck’s reluctance to do so. Then, there was their first fight, which he had caused by misconstruing Duck’s intentions (and maybe, his brain unhelpfully supplied, you had been correct, and he didn’t want to admit it). Of course, how could he forget every single time Indrid had tried to push Duck away, only to realize he was making a horrible mistake. Not to mention how sexually frustrated Duck had been for months at Indrid’s selfish refusal to open up due to his own misunderstandings that could have been easily solved with a simple conversation. Now, there was Indrid’s subconscious making Duck paranoid that he was going to hurt Indrid.

_ I’m a monster. _ Indrid thought, slinking even lower in his chair as he thumped his head on his desk and gripped his hair.  _ It doesn’t matter what I do, or who I pretend to be. I can’t change what I’ve always been. _

The tears never came easy. Indrid always tried to force them down, refusing to show even himself any shred of weakness when he was alone. It was painful, physically and emotionally, whenever they found a way to the surface. His head would ache with a dull, throbbing pain that never seemed to subside, and his eyes would burn like he was crying acid. It always hurt. There was nothing he could do to change that.

While Duck was away, Indrid’s choked out sobs filled their apartment as tears dripped from his eyes into his old wood desk. Everything was crashing down on him all at once, flooding his mind with his insecurities and doubts. All he ever wanted to do was protect Duck, and he couldn’t even do that much. He was a failure in every sense of the word, and the only way he knew how to escape his failures was to run away and never look back.

So he ran. He swung open the door of Duck’s apartment and ran until there was nothing left in his lungs to carry him. His throat burned from the labored breaths he was taking, and his eyes couldn’t seem to focus on the town he was passing and leaving behind. This is what he should have done ages ago. Indrid always ran away, so why had he waited so long to do it again? His thoughts never cleared until his legs eventually collapsed in the grass in front of his trailer. Nothing had ever propelled him like that in his life, and he started coughing until he could manage to catch his breath. Once his legs felt strong enough to stand again, Indrid slowly made his way to the door of the Winnebago and opened it, expecting to find it empty.   


Instead, he saw Duck, sitting at the table with his head in his hands. He looked up at Indrid when he heard the door open, eyes wide as he scrambled up. “Indrid? What…what are you, uh, what are you doing here?”

“I…I don’t know, I…” Indrid’s breath hitched, voice raspy from the pain in his throat and tears threatening to escape again. Duck shouldn’t be here. He was supposed to be at the lodge. That’s what his visions had told him.  _ What the hell is going on? _ “Why are you _ here _ ? I thought you were at Amnesty Lodge.”

“Well, uh, it’s a long story, but I was…” Duck’s eyes darted to the side before settling on Indrid’s glasses and taking a deep breath. “I…was…looking for something that could help me…understand you better.”

“Under…stand me better? I’m not sure I follow.”

Duck took a hesitant step towards Indrid, tension so thick you could cut it with a knife between them. The distance, both physical and emotional, created a barrier that neither of them seemed too keen on breaking. “I…feel like I don’t…I don’t  _ know _ you, Indrid. At least, not as well as I thought I did. These months with you have been so incredible, but we’ve hit a few bumps, and they, uh, tend to…bring certain things to light. I still think you’re holding things back, but I just…I just want you to be  _ honest _ with me.”

Indrid swallowed back his tears and sighed. “Duck, you…All you’ve ever been is kind to me, and I never understood how someone like you could ever want to be in a relationship with a  _ monster _ like me.”

“God, Indrid,” Duck took a few steps closer and reached a hand out towards Indrid, “you’re not a monster一”

“You don’t know the  _ half _ of it, Duck!” Indrid’s voice became loud and frantic, and he slapped Duck’s hand away with more force than he meant to. “You don’t know the things I’ve done, the people I’ve hurt, the disasters I couldn’t do anything to prevent. All of that rests on me. I’m the only person on Earth that has the ability to see accurately into the future and know exactly how things could happen. Silver Bridge was just the beginning of my failures.”

“None of that is your fault!” Duck started to raise his voice now, taking another cautious step towards Indrid, breaching into dangerously close territory. “Just, listen to what I’m trying to tell you, Indrid! It’s not that I have a preconceived idea of you, I just want to understand why you keep all of this so bottled up. Because, in my mind, it’s something I did to make you feel like you can't be open and honest with me.”   


“Every time I open up, I hurt you. The less you know, the better. Simple as that.”

“The only reason it hurts me is because you suffered alone with some of these things for so long and I wish I could have been there to help you. All I ever wanted was to  _ help you _ .”

“No, you wanted to  _ fix _ me, and there’s a radical difference.” Indrid growled, arms crossing protectively over his chest. “You can’t make me into something I’m not. I’m a monster, and I always will be, no matter how much you want to ignore that.” He reached up to his ear, carefully taking off his earrings and stuffing them in his pocket, still glaring at Duck intensely behind the protective lens of his glasses. “I should have seen the signs, really. Now that my future vision is finally back, it makes everything so much clearer.” After taking a deep breath, Indrid grabbed the edges of his frames and pulled them away from his face.

The transformation was immediate and painless, almost like a curtain had been lifted away from his true form. He was seeing red, large eyes still trained on Duck, who was still standing tall despite the horrid creature now standing in front of him. Indrid could barely fit in his own trailer like this, his large, imposing white frame looming over the human before him. In almost every future, Duck runs away and doesn’t look back. Now, it was only a matter of time before one of those futures came to pass, and then Indrid wouldn’t be able to hurt Duck anymore.

“Could you ever accept  _ this _ , Duck Newton?” Indrid asked, voice littered with chirps. “How could you live on, knowing that you allowed this monster into your life, into your home, and into your heart?” He shuffled forward, allowing Duck to stand right in front of his furry abdomen. “Admit it.” He hissed, “You only want the half of me you can stand to look at every day without being horrified. You’ve called me beautiful, wonderful, handsome even, but you could never say that to the disgusting creature before you.”   


Then, in an instant, Duck said something that made every single future change, rewriting the passage of time in an instant as he had done so many times before. His voice was so soft and gentle as he spoke. “I could, Indrid, and I would every single day if you’d let me.”

“You…” Indrid chirped in frustration. “You’re  _ lying _ .” This wasn’t right. Why did Duck have to be so damn unpredictable? His future vision was working perfectly fine, but it was still useless to him now. None of the futures he was prepared for remained, and his brain was struggling to keep up with the sudden changes. Perhaps he was getting rusty.

“I can’t lie for shit, Indrid, what makes you think I would lie about something this fucking important?”

“Why…how? This shouldn’t be possible. I saw it in my visions. You were so disgusted, you ran away from me!” Indrid grabbed Duck’s shoulders in a panic, gripping them as hard as he possibly could. “Why aren’t you running away?” he asked, voice cracking under the weight of his emotional state.

“Because I love you, Indrid Cold, every single part you. Even the ones you can’t bring yourself to face on your own. I never cared about you being The Mothman, I never faulted you for your past mistakes, and all I want to do is spend the rest of my goddamn life with you, even if you never looked like a human again.”

“I…Duck…” Indrid let go of Duck with a start, standing still in shocked silence before scrambling to find his glasses and pressing them against his face again, the sudden change making him lose his footing and collapse to the ground. His eyes were blurry, filling with tears until he couldn’t see anymore, and he squeezed his eyes shut to keep the room from spinning. Duck was rushing to his aid, dropping to his knees and pulling Indrid close. Warm arms embraced his trembling frame as he allowed the final wall to come down, tears staining Duck’s uniform as Indrid clung to the shirt for dear life. The only sounds in the room were Indrid’s shaky breaths until he found the courage to speak again. “It  _ hurts _ , Duck. It hurts so much and it never goes away.”

“I know.” Duck ran a soothing hand through Indrid’s hair and somehow managed to hold him even tighter. “I know, it sucks and it’s horrible, but you don’t have to deal with this alone anymore. All that shit you kept bottled up in your head, you can talk to me about it. You can let me know when something’s going on.”

“But, what if I hurt you?”

“You would never do it on purpose.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do,” Duck spoke like he was stating facts, pulling away just enough to look at Indrid with the warmest smile he could muster “because you are kind, brave, and selfless to a fault, pushing people away to protect them and never once thinking that you were good enough. You’ve done more for this planet than anyone ever asked you to, and you have the most beautiful heart out of anyone I’ve ever met. I love you so much, and I’ll keep saying it until you can start seeing yourself the way I do. Hell, I’ll even keep saying it after that because you deserve to hear it. You don’t even have to say it back, either, because I don’t need to hear it to know you feel it too.”

Indrid felt like a dozen weights had been lifted from his shoulders, and he felt so calm and reassured, more than ever before. “This…” He sniffed, wiping away the residual tear tracks with the sleeves of his sweater, “this won’t be an easy fix, will it?”

“No,” Duck sighed, “as much as I wish it was, it won’t be easy, but I’m here with you a hundred and ten percent of the way.”

“I…” Indrid struggled to find the words to vocalize exactly how he was feeling in this moment. Relieved. Horrified. Elated. Instead, he just settled on, “Thank you, Duck, for everything you’ve done. No one…no one has ever treated me as well as you do, and I never considered the thought that I deserved it until now. Part of me still doesn’t.”

“Well, then, I’ll just have to keep on doing what I’m doing until you do.” Duck managed to pull himself away from Indrid to stand up, extending a hand for Indrid to hold as he helped the taller man up. “Come on. Let’s order a pizza and watch a couple movies. I think we’ve earned it.”

Giving his hand a squeeze, Indrid managed a weak smile. “I have to agree.”

Together, Indrid and Duck walked hand in hand out of the Winnebago, shutting the door permanently on this part of Indrid’s past. As they walked away, Indrid saw dozens of futures ahead of him now, each with one thing in common: Duck was always there, standing right beside him every step of the way. They both turned to look at each other, smiling wider than they ever had before, and Indrid knew this was it. This is what he’d been missing his entire life.

~*~

Why was this so nerve wracking?   


Indrid was sitting on a comfortable couch in a small, yet cozy waiting room. The walls were painted a homely shade of beige as opposed to a clinical white. Pictures of gorgeous landscapes from all over the globe adorned the walls. There was a water cooler next to a pot of hot water for tea, and even a mini fridge with a sign that read, “take as many as you like” adorned with smiley faces and crudely drawn flowers. Everything about this room was specifically designed to make you feel safe and welcome, so why couldn’t Indrid stop his hands from shaking so much?

Luckily for him, Duck was sitting in the seat right next to him, which made this whole trip so much easier, but there was still lingering anxiety. All he could do was watch the large, imposing clock on a nearby wall tick by the seconds until it was 3:30 in the afternoon.   


After a few more minutes passed by in silence, Duck reached over and out his hand over Indrid’s. “You feeling okay? Still wanna do this?”

Indrid let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “I’m…admittedly a bit nervous, but that’s to be expected. I haven’t told everything to anyone, not even you.”

“And you still want me to go in with you?”

“Absolutely.” Indrid turned to look at Duck and smiled. “I want you to hear it. It’s the last wall I still have built up around myself, and I don’t plan on making you tear it down all on your own. This is my cross to bear, and I feel like you should be there for such a momentous occasion.”

“Right, I appreciate that.” Duck chuckled and Indrid flipped his hand up so he could interlace their fingers together. “And, you know, if you, uh, don’t connect with her at all, we can always keep looking for someone else. That’s the most important part.”

As soon as Duck spoke, a door opened and a woman stepped out, brown hair tied up in a messy bun, with laugh lines and freckles adorning her face. She was dressed modestly, shades of blue and beige on everything she was wearing, and she approached them with a beautiful smile and hand extended. “Indrid Cold?” Indrid released Duck’s hand and stood up, quickly wiping his hands on his pants before accepting her offer for a handshake. “It’s a pleasure to see you again. Madeline gave me the rundown on all this cryptid stuff already, so rest assured you can feel comfortable talking to me.”

“Hello, Laurel. It’s good to see you again.” Indrid chuckled. “And yes, before you ask, I can see several possible futures at a time, but I can talk about that more later. Sorry for not bringing it up when we met over coffee, but I wanted to be cautious.”

“As you should be.” She turned her attention to Duck and offered her hand to him as well. “And you must be Duck Newton.” Duck took her hand and shook it. “Madeline told me I’d likely be seeing you here as well. Said you two were practically joined at the hip.”

Duck smiled at that and shook his head. “I wouldn’t say it like that, but, uh…sure. Also, not to disappoint, but I’m, uh, not a cryptid.”   


“Didn’t think so, hon.” She gestured to the open door behind her. “Come on in and take a seat, Indrid. We’ll get started with your session right away.”

The smaller room was even more homely than the waiting area. There was a desk covered in pictures of small children, presumably hers, with degrees lining the wall in ornate frames. A bookshelf stood to the right, filled to the brim with everything from textbooks to Young Adult novels with some stacked on top from lack of space. Two armchairs sat by a tall window with a small desk in between them, and Indrid sat in one while Duck took the other.

Laurel grabbed her desk chair and arranged it so she was positioned between them, but still had a clear line of sight to Indrid. She grabbed a clipboard and a pen, seated herself comfortably, and said, “Alright, Indrid. Tell me everything.”

So he did. As soon as Indrid started talking, he couldn’t stop. He started with Sylvain, the life he had there, his job as a Court Seer, and all the things he didn’t realize he missed about his home planet when coming to earth. “I came to West Virginia, and that was when I had my first experience with catastrophe in my future vision. It was…Point Pleasant, 1967. I saw Silver Bridge collapse, so I went through the town, trying to warn people about what was coming, but no one would listen to me. My future vision was much better back then. I could see weeks ahead, but no one wanted to believe such an architectural anomaly could even exist.” Indrid paused, taking in a deep breath. “Forty-six people lost their lives, and I found myself being chased out by FBI agents coming to search the town for me. I had to leave, and that’s how I found myself in Kepler.”

“And that’s when you found Madeline?”

“Yes, and I knew Amnesty Lodge was a safe haven for others like me. When I arrived, she told me I couldn’t stay. The residents were terrified of me, since word had gotten around that The Mothman had caused the bridge to collapse, and she was aware that FBI agents were looking for me, which also posed a threat to the others she tried to protect. So I left. I followed my future vision to try and warn people about impending disasters, but it was all for naught. It makes sense, I suppose. If a stranger tells you a building is about to collapse and people inside it would die, any rational person would think that was insane.”

“You said you could see weeks into the future, but I was told recently that you could only see, at most, ten minutes into the future. What happened between now and then that caused such a drastic shift.”

“Well, it was September 11th, 2001, and I was in a remote area of Boston when I saw absolute chaos sweeping the entire nation. Naturally, I wanted to try and prevent this disaster, but I wasn’t careful enough to pay attention to what the event was. When I flew to New York City, the heart of the ripple effect, I was too late. The plane had already crashed and the citizens were already panicked. It felt like…my mind was being split into a million pieces. So many people, so many possible futures, too many variables. I couldn’t keep track of them all, and I believe it…overloaded my brain so much to the point where it caused irreparable damage. That’s when I stopped trying to prevent disasters and I went back to Kepler. Smaller towns are safer since they have less people to keep track of.”

“Did you ever go back to the Lodge?”

“No. Not until recently. I bought myself a trailer and secluded myself there for seventeen years. To put it simply, I was alone for a very long time, and I built walls around myself that only got stronger as the years went on. I never reached out to anyone for help, never wanting to burden or hurt more people than I thought I had already. It was…quite difficult. I didn’t reach out to anyone really until I saw a vision of Leo’s store being destroyed and the people inside killed. That’s when I decided I’d had enough and decided to call The Pine Guard so they could address the problem themselves. I didn’t anticipate getting involved as much as I did.”

Laurel sighed. “That tends to happen. Now, one of the things you mentioned over coffee were your night terrors. Can you explain those to me briefly?”

“Sure.” Indrid swallowed hard. “It, uh…started after I came to Earth and created a human-esque disguise for myself. Once the event at Silver Bridge happened, I would start to have nightmares about it constantly, but I would forget they happened entirely after I went back to sleep. So, I started keeping track of when they would happen. There was no rhyme or reason to them, and I could never figure out what was actually happening. The first time I realized they were night terrors was when I woke up on the floor rather than in my bed from thrashing about so much. Sometimes, I would injure myself during the night and I would wake up with blood all over my sheets. It wasn’t until Duck was with me that I was truly able to understand what my body went through during these attacks.”

“And what usually happens in these dreams?”

“I usually dream about Silver Bridge and some variation of the number forty-six. Sometimes, I see other tragedies happen, but that one seems to occur the most often, probably because I see it as the start of my failures.”

“I see…That’s a very interesting thought. I’ll look into some resources and see if we can’t dissect those dreams, if you’d like. If you bring your journal to our next session, we can figure out the underlying anxieties in your life causing dreams like these.” Laurel glanced at the clock on the table between the two armchairs and smiled. “We have a bit more time before your session is over. Is there anything else you wanted to mention today?”

“Besides my awkwardness when it comes to social interactions, no, I don’t think there’s anything else I need to mention at the moment.”

“Alright, well, here’s what I’m thinking. I’d like to start by addressing your night terrors first, since that seems to be a chronic problem that you’d like to be able to manage better. I’ll help give you some tools that should help you prevent them once we can figure out what triggers them. Not to mention, we’ll likely be covering other things you were having issues with in terms of self image, so that will be our next task. Then, once we address those two things, the social interactions will come much easier as you become more sure of yourself and how you can present yourself to others. Does that sound like a good plan?”

Indrid released a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Yes, I…I think that’s an excellent approach.” He was relieved that someone who couldn’t see the future was able to lay out a plan that would likely be spanning the course of over two months. It gave him peace of mind about the whole thing.

“Great! Well, our session is over for today, but I hope it was as enlightening for you as it was for me.” Laurel stood up from her chair after writing a few more notes on her clipboard. When Indrid stood up, Laurel reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. “I know it probably seems overwhelming now, but we’ll get there one step at a time. It might take a while, but I promise it’s worth it.”

“Thank you, Laurel, I truly appreciate you doing this for me.”   


“Of course, hon! And don’t forget, patient confidentiality laws mean your secret is safe with me.” She moved to open the door, allowing Indrid and Duck to make their way back into the lobby.

As they walked outside the office, they didn’t speak, instead enjoying the comfortable silence they found themselves enveloped in. Duck’s hand brushed against Indrid’s as they walked a few times, before eventually tangling their fingers together. Once they made it to the car, Indrid didn’t let go of Duck’s hand. “Duck, I…” Indrid stopped himself, realizing he was about to apologize, and instead decided to take a different approach. “Thank you for coming with me. I know it probably wasn’t easy having to listen to all of that, but it feels like an immense weight has been lifted now that you know…well, you know everything.”

Duck looked a little surprised, but he still managed to smile. “Of course, sweetheart. I know this kind of shit isn’t easy the first time, but it gets easier every appointment.” He gave Indrid’s hand a gentle squeeze. “I just feel closer to you now. I feel like I know you better, or, uh, like I can help you better.”

“And that…doesn’t frighten you at all?”

“Nah. If anything, it just makes me love you even more.”

Indrid tried to cover his embarrassment by hiding his face with his free hand. It didn’t work. “Darling, I don’t think I’ll ever get used to you saying that so flippantly, even when I can see it beforehand in my visions.”

Duck just laughed and reached up to press a kiss to Indrid’s warm cheek. “You don’t have to get used to it. Just accept that it’s never gonna change. Now,” Duck gently released Indrid’s hand and walked to the drivers side of the car, “how does takeout sound for dinner tonight?”

“Always so predictable,” Indrid laughed, “but yes, takeout is always a great choice.”

As Indrid stared out the window, with Duck’s thumb absentmindedly rubbing over his knuckles, he realized that he was finally taking steps to take his walls apart brick by brick. He spent so much of his life trying to keep people out, not realizing it was so much better to have people by his side. Being able to say he had friends was the greatest achievement in Indrid’s life, and no one could convince him otherwise.

That didn’t mean there wasn’t still work to be done. It would take a long time before Indrid could really allow himself to be vulnerable without belittling himself or thinking he was a burden to the ones who truly wanted to help him. Duck was constantly reminding him that it was a  _ process _ more than anything else, and Indrid was glad he was taking this one slow. Having that constant reminder in his life was so important, he wasn’t sure what he would do without it.   


There was always Duck, who would support him no matter what. After a year of tearing Indrid’s walls down, Duck deserved a break, so Indrid was finally deciding to do the demolition himself. He didn’t want there to be barriers between them anymore, because he cared about Duck so much and he wanted to let him in. Nothing had been able to break them apart, and Indrid wasn’t sure if anything would after they’d been through so much together.

As Indrid turned to look at Duck in the driver’s seat, the light filtering through the window creating a halo behind his brown hair, he realized that this is what love was supposed to feel like. It was warmth in the coldest of winters, safety in the most treacherous paths of life, and the light at the end of the darkest tunnel. Love transcended any planetary barrier that existed between them before, separating their species by their experiences and appearances alone, but none of that seemed to matter when Indrid felt his heart leap out of his chest every time he looked at Duck.

Imagine a world like that. Where Indrid felt comfortable being himself around a person who cared about him more than words could say. Where they could see each other every day, living in a space they could call their own. Where him and Duck could lie around for hours, holding each other so tight they never wanted to let go.   


For the first time, Indrid didn’t have to imagine a world like that. He was  _ living _ it, and it could only get better from here.

He just had to be patient.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the continuous love and support <3


End file.
